These Knees Are No Longer Under Factory Warranty

Ramblings Post #420
You only get the one life. Or so I've been told. We'll never really know, but it just seems odd in the vast universe that this consciousness only exists for a universal second. If that. I hope they're wrong. I just do. I have so much more to do with this scrap of life I've been granted. 

Two weeks ago I feel down some stairs. My leg still hurts. 

Let me back up. A month ago I woke up and as I got out of bed, realized that my leg looked different. Like thinner. Looking back it amazes me that I didn't notice the weight loss. And since the amount is probably around seventy or so pounds, I wonder how that's even possible. 

I've lost weight before - deliberately - but this looks different. This isn't a slimming down, this is entering "are you ok?" level of change. My people know what that means. And I'm not sure I'm really OK. Yes, I did see a doctor, but I need to go back for a follow up. Ugh. And just so you know when you lose this much weight, a lot of things change that you weren't expecting besides just how you look. My eyes changed enough that I need eyeglass prescription. Nothing fits, and that includes underwear with elastic. Your muscle mass changes. And as it turns out, your joints change too, as the cushion that was there dissipates. On the bright side, my blood pressure is down. 

In any case, I started working out in the mornings, early before I do anything else. It's soothing in a way, the almost mechanical rhythm. and it gets me stretched, something else I'm concerned about as I get older. And that day I think I tweaked something. No, I'm not lifting super-heavy weights, just trying to make sure I don't collapse under my own, well, lack of weight. I have a skeletal appearance right now, at least to me. A little more muscle wouldn't hurt.  

Then I went to lunch meeting and leaving said meeting, which went well otherwise, my right knee called a general strike. That put me at the base of some concrete stairs looking foolish. I was later able to hobble the block or so back to my car, but I was determined to take it easy. I mean, it wasn't that bad of a fall. 

Note - I was incorrect. 

So now, I'm emulating my mother, sitting on a stool to cook rather than stand. Actually I'm worse than my mom, as she can stand to wash dishes and I'm dragging that stool around scared to put any weight on it. I discovered I owned a heating pad. That may be one of the greatest inventions of all time. I've come to realize Aspirin is useless. I'm discovering food in my freezer I forgot about to avoid going up and down the porch steps and walking around the grocery store. I need to go down those stairs and find me a knee brace. I've avoided at least two invites for meetups and my favorite monthly (she knows) because I'm a little embarrassed by getting old. Oh, and nothing fits either, but mostly the hobbling thing.

I've got to stop dreaming and start doing. 

Barkeep. Water with lemon. I haven't stopped drinking, but there are some days I need to grow out of.  
 

Obama and the Supremes

This is a political post.

My conservative FB friend seems excited that his insurance premiums are about to go up and he can go back to be being denied for insurance because of a cold sore in the future, what with the constitutionality of Obamacare being debated in the Supreme Court. In an extra hours session of oral arguments, the best points were be put forth by the brightest minds both sides can muster (well, the best the conservatives could muster, the Administration's guy shanked it) in front of America's council of wise men, er, the eight justices. Yes, there are nine justices, but in my opinion Clarence Thomas doesn't count because because he's already indicated he doesn't listen to oral arguments (he thinks the brief is enough) and because of that idea he doesn't ask questions during these sessions. In like six or seven years. Plus, he always votes conservative, so it's almost a "why bother?" situation.

But this year the conservative court is all for Obama. They can give him the election. All they have to do is decide that the Individual Mandate part of the Affordable Care Act is unconstitutional. Or not.

Wait what?

The Supreme Court is facing a public perception problem. After the disastrous Citizen United decision which basically put the election process up for the highest bidder, accelerating this country's pace to a kleptocracy, this third leg of government has a higher profile than ever. Supreme Court arguments don't usually get the kind of coverage we'd normally accord to NFL Playoff game. The Supremes have boxed themselves into a corner. Their last few decisions have communicated the idea that the court is "out of touch" or perhaps too partisan. The prohibition against "pre-existing conditions" and other parts of the law are very popular. But the key to making it all work, the Individual Mandate is not, at least among conservatives. Another ruling against what are perceived as the common interests of the general population - akin to money equals speech, corporations are people - only takes us further down a dark and twisted road.

That the mandate is clearly constitutional is beside the point. The Constitution gives Congress the power to regulate commerce among the states. This is clear. Health care, as our conservative friends like to point out, is nearly one sixth of the economy, so it qualifies as such commerce. And the court is firmly in the corner that if Congress can regulate the commerce, it make laws to make that regulation possible. And when I say "the court" I mean conservative Justice and everyone's favorite constitutional originalist, one Antonin Scalia. He actually said so in a court brief. Well talking about something else, but you can see how this should apply here.

But, all this is moot, because, as I learned in my law school class from Professor Segall, the court really isn't a court. They don't even have to pay attention to ethical behavior.

Strike down the Act, Obama gets re-elected. Uphold the Act, Obama gets re-elected. He's got it both ways. Why?

If the Court strikes down the Act, or weakens it to the point of ineffectiveness by severing the Mandate portion, the argument becomes we need to replace these justices, they're old, out of touch and are obviously ideologically tainted. And the only way to get new justices is keep Obama in office and pray the Justices Thomas and or Scalia wake up one morning and decide they've had enough and move to Fiji to sell timeshares. Or take up professional poker. A loss here will only complete the narrative that has been just under the radar for the past two years: the President is fighting the very well entrenched establishment that has joined forces with the fringe thinkers, and he still needs your help. Because after this and Citizens, a thinking liberal can raise the specter of a reversal of Roe v. Wade...and that's the real third rail of American jurisprudence.

Now, if the Court upholds the Act, Obama's signature legislation becomes he centerpiece his re-election campaign's "It only gets better from here" idealism. The we've only started we can keep going if you give me more time type of thing. That and it looks like oil prices might come down and suddenly, well then the problems his enemies are throwing at him go back to the soul of America, the most specious argument one can give right now.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. It's just a thought. From the folks at Lowcountry DTUD & BBQ.

Ain't American politics grand.

The Next Phase

Ramblings post #154
They used to say that the only things for certain were Death and Taxes. Now, with the latest Republican congress, I ain't so sure about Taxes. But I am sure about one thing that should have been there. Change. You can be certain that change will happen. If only that's tomorrow you're one day older than you were yesterday. The only things certain are Death and Change. Just doesn't have the same ring to it.

For them that know, and them that don't, for the past few years I have been attempting to transform myself.

I'm not happy with my job or career path, and other items way to numerous to mention, and as it turns out strangely enough, that when I finally get tired enough I actually do something about it. So I've been writing a lot more, I went back to school for new skills, which in turn got me focused, and this past summer I decided to something about the physical.

Yeah, it turns out despite being an intelligent, employed, warm, affectionate, good credit having, educated, take a sista out regular, well read, romantic, witty and adventurous modern day renaissance hero (not to mention modest)... I wasn't what the women were looking for.

So, after gathering my fortitude, and enough money for the fee, I joined a weight loss program and got started. So with much effort and determination...okay, some determination... well, after it actually started working...I said let's do this and put my mind to it.

I started at 307 pounds.

I've lost a little bit since then. 52-ish pounds. A little bit.

And whereas I think I'm the same, the world...or at least when I'm paying attention some parts of it...looks at me different. Or at least looks at me.

The trick now will keeping it off. The weight loss phase I paid for is now exhausted, and we go to the maintenance and upkeep phase. The program has a system, but I got gym time planned and exercising I want to do on my own, so we'll see what happens.

Barkeep...um, Crystal Light Orange...with a shot of vodka? Let's see how that works.

The Self Shot

Ramblings Post #105
I don't ask for much. Usually. I've been blessed with relatively good health, a brain that functions and family that has lived a remarkably long time. I worked through the whole of this past recession, own a home and car, been able to pay my bills and have been able to give support to those I love when they needed it. So where did this sudden attack of vanity come from?

Apparently there is a trick to the self shot, or I am just very unattractive.

There used to be a little shop that made sandwiches where I worked, and used to joke with the guy there that if he ever went out of business, I wanted to buy the mirrors he had because in THOSE mirrors, I looked good. In fact in most of the mirrors in my house I'm fairly passable. So I have what is apparently the delusional impression that I'm not that bad looking. But I bought a new camera, and like every other person who has a digital camera that fits in your hand, I took a few snaps of myself in that arm extended just a cool angle kinda way.

I want to believe I was holding the camera wrong.

So I took a few more snaps, from chin level, from the side kinda, that three quarters look, you know, mixed it up a bit and see what falls out of the wash. Think of a black Shrek. On a completely different but semi-related tangent. I have an interesting theory: A woman plus a digital camera plus time equals naked pictures of said woman. Now they might only exist for a few seconds before she erases them, but they do exist at some point! It is my honest belief that every woman checks, because we all know that mirrors are dirty stinking liars. I bring up that only semi-related tangent to say that apparently the mirrors in my house are now dirty stinking liars or I really am that bloated tired looking middle aged black guy in that photo of me.

Actually, I think I look worse than Black Shrek.

Now that is depressing.

I have long been of the mental delusion that I'm a quick workout or two from being Olympic level shape, but passing my reflection in the windows at the job and now this incident are shifting my perception to something akin to me being three Krispy Kreme doughnuts from being in a size 4x shirt. Which as we can all assume, would not be good. This of course neatly segues into my next life theory, in that the modern woman is more visual than her predecessors and as such the degree of success you have to have before appearance becomes irrelevant is now much higher. Or in simpler terms, where I'm at now I have to have six pack abs or something very close. Gazing down, I'm starting to believe I'm heading back up to the"keg". Whereas I had gotten down to a "party ball", and had been flirting with a "case", I believe I've lost focus.

I'm considering a formal weight loss program. Like monitored.

Or maybe if I just hold the camera and shoot it from the other side with a different light. Or from that other way. Yeah. That will work.

Barkeep, do beer goggles work on oneself?

Knowing is aging

Ramblings Post #66
This year I had a birthday I've always envisioned as something so far off it was always ages and ages away. And now that I am that age I used to laugh at, karma has come in from doing the yard and started pointing out all those little things I used to think should never have to me. Not the big stuff, the little stuff. What little stuff? Read on...

Wanna know how you know you're old?

When you hurt yourself, not playing basketball, or working in the yard, or slipping in the bathtub, but reaching for the alarm clock.

I have a horrible habit in that I've found out, or figured out, how to turn off my alarm clock in my sleep. Well, not turn off but hit the snooze. Which is kinda why my alarm is set for 6am, but I don't actually wake until well after 7am.

To combat this I move the clock around the nightstand, to the floor, to the other side of the bed, etc. I'm considering buying another alarm clock that requires more than a button tap to get to the snooze part. I've also considered sleeping with someone who'll actually get up when the alarm goes off. Let's just say there are plans in "flux".

But Monday morning, as the alarm went off for what had to be the 8th or 9th time I reached out this time semi-awake to get a few more minutes. The clock was just out of my reach. Apparently the previous time I'd hit the snooze when I rolled back over into the covers I had rolled a little farther away. I stretched out just a touch. Didn't make it. I stretched a little more...

...and my wrist popped.

I was damn sure awake then. I could move my fingers and all that, but it sure hurt like hell.

I hurt myself trying to turn off my alarm clock. I've been in car accidents, run into walls and doors, and nothing hurt quite like this. I mean this hurt like a mofo. I could barely hold a pen and doing all the things I normally do one handed really wasn't the move.

And hurt till this morning. Maybe it was a wrist sprain.

I started to get gray at 22, so that really wasn't a feeling of being old to me when the gray started coming in a little stronger. And I've been out running the streets since sometime in late 80's, from college to my hometown and finally in Atlanta for a decade, so my slowing down and getting a little weary of the "scene" didn't strike me as me getting old, I'd had my good time, and some of yours. But hurting yourself just moving? I mean damn. Is there another sign of being old?

Maybe I'll get me some vitamins or something.

Barkeep, let me get a Centrum Martini.

Old Age

Ramblings Post #59
We get little signs as we get older. A twinge where there used to not be a twinge. Somebody calls you sir or ma'am, for no reason. The first gray hair, I got that one at 25 for the record. Suddenly, ten shots of tequila has the reeling, where twenty used to just be the start. And you realize that cute little thing in the tight pants that you'd like to introduce to your "game" is young enough to be your daughter --- and she's drinking in the same bar you are. There are a lot of signs. Damnit.

Yesterday old age arrived. I noticed the beginnings of a double chin.

If there is anything that makes you suddenly realize you need to take thine ass to the gym, it's looking in the mirror and seeing the start of that extra little roll of fat under your chin. The roll of fat on your hips you're used to. You've learned designer camouflage. Now you're trying to figure out how you'd look in an ascot, and thinking it might not be that bad.

I had been waffling on tightening up my diet: Adding the salads I'd started skipping back into the mix, going back to the bran cereal, cutting way back on the carbs....but have you ever tasted fresh hot fries? Or had chocolate chip fudge brownies that a still kinda soft and warm? Well I have and since I'm not working out for the moment, those snacks are looking at condo prices in my love handles. And since some old acquaintances have started pasting old photos.. and I looked stuffed and bloated in a few of them... this is not a new problem. I can see why I've avoided cameras and pictures and all manner of preserving for posterity.

It is singularly depressing.

I've done short term adjustments before: The juice week, low carbs, brief diet changes... but short term isn't gonna get it.

As many times as I've complained - whined, lamented, etc - about how women are a lot more visual than folks want to admit I'm letting a situation I can control with a little will power slowly become a a real problem. I dream of one day taking off my shirt to get into the pool and having the women look at me like a fresh grilled pork chop. With BBQ sauce. That hungry look in their eyes, that says "I need to gets me some of that." And I may have to cut back a lot of things, but I will get there.

Salads. Cutting carbs. More fruit. Already cut out the sodas. Get back to the gym.

I is gonna make it.

And this time, I mean it.

Barkeep. Pear Juice. And two rolls of toilet paper and a good book. And a magazine.

A Week Without Food

Ramblings Post #35
Change is constant. And that's all I have to say about that. I find myself not a crossroads, but rather at one of those little benches at the side of the path I've chosen, where a weary traveler can sit for a minute and contemplate there scenery on the path they've chosen. And honestly from where I'm sitting, I'm hoping the broad vistas of majestic yadda yadda show up soon, because where I am sucks.

It's odd. I must have ten or fifteen seasoned pieces of steak in freezer. Three or four chicken breasts. Two packages of porkchops. Those frozen pizza rolls that are so good with a little garlic salt and fresh pepper. Frozen whiting. Frozen bread. Mayfield vanilla ice cream. Hot dogs. Hashbrowns. Three caches of ground beef. And whole bunch of stuff I probably need to throw out because I don't even remember what's in the foil.

I want a one inch thick porterhouse, with a baked potato drenched in butter, and yeast rolls on the side.

And this week my diet consisted of a V8 for breakfast, an Arden's Garden smoothie (when I can remember) as a snack, a smoothie from Smoothie King and tomato soup for dinner.

I did this for a whole bunch of reasons. In part I needed to get my mind right for working out. Thomas was doing it and I did it in part in solidarity (and no, I'm going to add on another week like he keeps asking). In part my digestive system needed the break anyway. In part because I eat too much of the wrong stuff and needed to cleanse my palate. In part to stop looking and feeling bloated. In part because I'm getting old and need to correct.

I am so craving a chili dog with onions and some really greasy fries.

I'm calling it at a five days because around day three I had a few moments where my body felt supremely weak. Last time I felt that bad I was already in a hospital room, so repeats of the sensation are not looked forward to. I'm calling it at five days because working out and these extremely reduced calories are not a good combination, as I'm repeatedly being told. I'm also calling it at five because actually healthy people are starting to annoy me. - I ran into Slim (who I hadn't seen in a while) and she immediately wanted to go into juicing strategies, content listings and where I got my juice. I was too ashamed to tell her I bought it at Publix, so I stayed vague. - my other buddies keep asking me if this is it, what's the business, when am I gonna get to the good part? And since the cardio and other functions are on the agenda, I'm getting a little testy about explaining that it's coming

I would like Honey BBQ wings, fried extra crispy and some crinkle cut fries.

And when your whole day is work, school (and or studying) and home...with little respite or individual excitement or entertainment... you need something.

And though I'm not pigging out, I need a little nosh.

Today was National Doughnut day. No doughnuts.
Today they served us free lunch at work...and for the first time in a while a decent spread. No food.
Today I'm supposed to meet friends after work. I can't eat or drink anything there.
Today it is nearly 5pm...and all I've had was that V8 because I keep getting interrupted.

I could go for a Double Sausage and Double Pepperoni pizza, with garlic butter for the crusts.

I already have a deep seated (okay, mildly psychotic) need to be included in the happenings around me....and my schedule was keeping me from that, and now my diet is in the way as my schedule finally relaxed....and someone is suggesting another week of self torture putting up obstacles between me and enjoying life? The phrase "are you high?" comes to mind.

I'm going to get in shape. I liked the mornings in the park, the running and other stuff. I want the trim waist line and the ass you can bounce a quarter off of. I want to feeling you get when you've started a good sweat going, that elation from exertion I used to get. But has to be a my pace. I hate when I say I'm thinking about starting to get in shape and some over healthy individual (with gobs of free time and no social life) suggests for a start I run 5 miles the first day, or like Thomas who suggested I fast for 60 days, or something crazy like that. You don't start with Mount Everest! And I know to you - "healthians" - I know what you suggest doesn't seem like much, but from the other side of that conversation, it just shows how you really don't listen.

I love BBQ pork spare ribs, beans and texas toast, with corn on the cob and slaw.

Ten pushups in the morning to start. No, it doesn't sound like much, but it is better than nothing. And ten becomes twenty. And twenty becomes thirty. Then onto fifty and a few months from now, a hundred. And much like the journey of thousand miles starts with a single step, I will get there. Eventually.

Cheez Doodles.

I got my LA fitness membership. I got my new sneaks with the gel insoles. I got new shorts from Target, people who seem to understand the term "pair of grey sweat shorts". And I got week where I proved to myself, I can put my mind to it.

Barkeep. Whiskey. I'll be on Wheatgrass and Goat Weed from here on in. One for the road!

I'm Juice, Baby!

Ramblings Post #34
You never know what you can do until you try. And then like an idiot, there are things you probably shouldn't be trying. Skydiving comes to mind. The idea of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane just doesn't strike me as too bright. Other bright ideas that would show either I'm a sad old man or have just come to my senses spring to mind, but I won't go there. In any case, I'm giving something new a whirl, and if it don't work...well, at least I tried.

It's a Monday and I'm juice.

Okay, this sounds absolutely crazy when you consider how much shit I gave Thomas that summer for going off food for forty days, but for the next five days, I'm juicing. No solid food, only the V8 juice for my vitamins, and smoothies and soup. I'll have tea and water to fend off hunger. Like most things, I'm fairly certain that after the third day it will all be cool. Before that, I'm gonna be hungry!

Mental note: In the future prior to any endeavor such as this...do not have the big fat yeast rolls.

But I digress. I need to do something, and while this isn't the answer (you can't apply temporary fixes to an ongoing problem) this is the kickstart to getting my healthy rolling. I've been down this road before: the walking in the morning, the cutting of the carbs, the adding the salads, etc and so on, and I need to get my head turned back to healthy.

I'm feeling some aches and pains I shouldn't feel. At least at my age I think.

Side Note: In the middle of my Sales Law class, a philosophy lesson broke, as we struggled for 15 minutes trying to figure out what was the difference between a fact and an opinion.

I had the Acai Berry this morning, water for a snack (doesn't that sound weird) and the smoothie for lunch. Tonight it's tomato soup. And CranGrape juice for a snack. I may cheat and have some Kool-aid. And this is the plan until Friday. Have I lost my mind? Just so you know, the Acai Berry V8 is not bad.

Looking back, that Steak and Eggs with Schmoopy on Saturday at the Flying Biscuit sure was good. And then I messed around and didn't eat again that day. Okay, I'm still trying to keep the house clean since my mom cleaned up a week ago, so I'm cooking as little as possible. But last night, knowing this was juice coming I baked a potato, broiled a steak and had those damn yeast rolls. One of my running partners invited me to her house for salmon and baked sweet potato, and I damn 'shole should have went over there, but I homework to read so I buckled down and did what I had to do and let the food cook in the background. And the yeast rolls got done first.

I should have put some butter on them.

I need to stop thinking about them! So I stop at Publix on the way home, because thinking of all the walking and stuff made me remember that Publix carries the Arden's Garden juices, which if you've never had are great for health. Pure fruit, not even any water. So I go and grab a few, mixing it up for variety and decide to see, just out of curiosity if they just happen to have them Crunchy Cheez Doodles I love...the week I'm not eating.

Damned if they don't. First time in three months. I'm not eating and they got it. I bought three bags.

They're in the pantry now just waiting on Saturday baby! You ain't know? I almost asked to speak to Publix management to get them cuss out the Wise Potato chip man on my behalf.

But anyway...soup is ready, I got stuff to read for Thursday class. So...Barkeep....a banana mango smoothie and a B12 shot.

I can feel my blood pressure

This is a health post
I'm getting old. What can I say. And things that should be swinging freely are starting to creak. No not that...minds in the gutter. But as my father likes to say, "getting old is better than the alternative." And the band played on...

A few years ago I had a chest pain, and Sporty insisted I go to the doctor, something I normally would not have done. In most cases, being a typical guy, I would have shrugged it off until the pain subsided then found out twenty years from now that my condition had existed since when I should have taken my ass to the doctor long ass time ago. But anyway I did go to the doctor because she said to and found out I had high blood pressure.

I say had because it's much better now. Going to the doctor and finding out fairly early probably helped. She might have saved my life.

I mean, you ever see one of those movies where the doctor's goes "Excuse me sir, are you sure you're breathing?" Yeah, that was me the first time I went. Numbers at the far end of "you might want to lie down, take a few breaths and try to relax." Looking back I'm fairly amazed they didn't call for an ambulance. Now it's down to merely a little high from time to time. Like now.

Maybe it's the school thing, and the job thing, and the house thing, and the money thing and every other damn thing all coming together in a lovely multi-threaded stress weave but lately I have a sensation that I haven't had in years. Back in my heavy drinking days I would wake up after a good drink and feel my blood pressure in my ears. I was a eerie feeling, sort of a low rumble in my head which I knew if I just stayed still for a while would pass. When I stopped drinking like that, those moments alone in bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings hoping I hadn't drunk myself to death passed for the most part.

And that was true until a week ago. I can hear it again. And it scares me.

I mix up the diet - salads, oat bran, baked foods, veggies and juices mixed with fried whatever and the occasionally extra greasy greasy something. I stopped eating crazy portions, now I just eat until I'm full throw the rest away. My weight is still down, my belts and pants loose.

Is it the diet? The stress? The whole of my existence?

Barkeep...something calming and soothing. With some rum in it.