These Knees Are No Longer Under Factory Warranty

Ramblings Post #420
You only get the one life. Or so I've been told. We'll never really know, but it just seems odd in the vast universe that this consciousness only exists for a universal second. If that. I hope they're wrong. I just do. I have so much more to do with this scrap of life I've been granted. 

Two weeks ago I feel down some stairs. My leg still hurts. 

Let me back up. A month ago I woke up and as I got out of bed, realized that my leg looked different. Like thinner. Looking back it amazes me that I didn't notice the weight loss. And since the amount is probably around seventy or so pounds, I wonder how that's even possible. 

I've lost weight before - deliberately - but this looks different. This isn't a slimming down, this is entering "are you ok?" level of change. My people know what that means. And I'm not sure I'm really OK. Yes, I did see a doctor, but I need to go back for a follow up. Ugh. And just so you know when you lose this much weight, a lot of things change that you weren't expecting besides just how you look. My eyes changed enough that I need eyeglass prescription. Nothing fits, and that includes underwear with elastic. Your muscle mass changes. And as it turns out, your joints change too, as the cushion that was there dissipates. On the bright side, my blood pressure is down. 

In any case, I started working out in the mornings, early before I do anything else. It's soothing in a way, the almost mechanical rhythm. and it gets me stretched, something else I'm concerned about as I get older. And that day I think I tweaked something. No, I'm not lifting super-heavy weights, just trying to make sure I don't collapse under my own, well, lack of weight. I have a skeletal appearance right now, at least to me. A little more muscle wouldn't hurt.  

Then I went to lunch meeting and leaving said meeting, which went well otherwise, my right knee called a general strike. That put me at the base of some concrete stairs looking foolish. I was later able to hobble the block or so back to my car, but I was determined to take it easy. I mean, it wasn't that bad of a fall. 

Note - I was incorrect. 

So now, I'm emulating my mother, sitting on a stool to cook rather than stand. Actually I'm worse than my mom, as she can stand to wash dishes and I'm dragging that stool around scared to put any weight on it. I discovered I owned a heating pad. That may be one of the greatest inventions of all time. I've come to realize Aspirin is useless. I'm discovering food in my freezer I forgot about to avoid going up and down the porch steps and walking around the grocery store. I need to go down those stairs and find me a knee brace. I've avoided at least two invites for meetups and my favorite monthly (she knows) because I'm a little embarrassed by getting old. Oh, and nothing fits either, but mostly the hobbling thing.

I've got to stop dreaming and start doing. 

Barkeep. Water with lemon. I haven't stopped drinking, but there are some days I need to grow out of.  
 

Where we all are...

Ramblings Post #419
May you live in interesting times. It's supposed to be an old curse.

Let's see....Cheato went to war without any kind of authorization and Congress is either too scared or bought off to do anything about it. Iran's defenses are currently decentralized with individual orders so they could continue firing their missiles and drones for 30 - 45 days no matter what. Khamenei wanted to die as he had cancer and had commented his body was failing, more he went home instead of to the secure bunker - now he's a martyr to his faith and something his followers can rally around. We've effectively abandoned our long term regional allies and the enemy has effectively closed the Straight of Hormuz, cutting off 20% of the world's oil. More interestingly we've also cut off 90% of the food supply for the UAE, Qatar, Kuwait and large parts of Saudi Arabia. They'll try to shift to the Red Sea for transport but there is no infrastructure on that side of the country so it won't be easy. Add in the inability to traverse and move oil or LNG through the Straight puts our Arab allies into a cash crunch, which affects us here aside from gas prices since the whole of the American economy is currently being financed by large investments in AI by.....our Arab allies. Who we just abandoned. 

Epstein files. 

Toss in that our military has no plan other than bomb and fire missiles, which as it turns out we're running out of because nobody realized that manufactures can't just ramp up production with a snap of their fingers. Not realizing you have to give suppliers an opportunity to plan for this makes me wonder how these yokels run businesses. Then, surprise, our leaders can't get their story straight as why we went in AND classified briefings are scaring those privy to the information. Bonus, a few loons IN COMMAND IN THE MILITARY are calling it the war the start Armageddon. That's a yikes. And, despite our official totals of minimal losses (from an administration who couldn't tell the truth if the sky was blue), non-American sources are putting the real figures in triple digits AND there was a job listing for sorting personal effects of casualties that got snatched down quick as wink.

Nobody knows what's really going on as the conservative influencers have started to flood the zone with AI slop to either encourage support or hide the damage. Oh, and to put the cherry on top - I'm constipated. 

I think that's it for now, but let's see what tomorrow brings. 

Barkeep. Whiskey. Sprite if you got it. Two cubes. Sigh.  

Art is in the Moment and that Moment is Now

Ramblings Post #418
Art is a thing. Art is time and energy and talent wrought from brush stroke, chisel, and concept wrought from the very ether into something that inspires, that finds our soul and says this is part of the universe that you can see through my eyes. So, yeah, I have some deep thoughts about art. 

by Oladipupo Odelola - Glow of Hope

I saw a social media post which asked do single men go to museums, to art shows, to parks? One of my bucket list items was to spend a week at the Smithsonian (before old boy touched it) but I realize now that as much as love art I haven't gone to any. I think some of it is my reluctance to experience in solo. Go alone they say, don't let the lack of companionship limit you. And that's a great idea, except most of my existence is alone... and maybe I want those moment to be shared. You kinda have to be there. 

Barkeep. A water. Yeah, a water, I'm growing older and wiser. And have probably gotten a little light weight, shhhh.   

So, this morning...

Ramblings Post #417
There is a tendency of mine to revisit myself. To look back at my life to understand why I did what I did and how to either repeat or avoid that past outcome. This self reflection is probably something I need to do less of, as I know I am an overthinker, letting my mind wander down paths of possibilities less likely than chocolate covered BBQ chicken wings. But still...  

I spent a few hours this morning thinking I was no more. 

Let me explain. Earlier this week I read a piece of short horror fiction - it was on social media platform, maybe a thousand words or so. It chronicled a woman who doomscrolling one night found her own house listed for sale. And in trying to figure out if someone had stolen her deed, she realized that she had been unalived but that she was still just going through the motions of life. It was kind of haunting, a lil' different but nothing big. Or so I thought.  

So last night, around 4am or so I awoke with start, convinced that something had happened. That first awakening may have been part of the dream...it's complicated. In any case, I thought that the reaper had come. I had that moment in my chest where I think I'm falling, or someone is pulling me and I'm decidedly not ready to go anywhere. Left side of the bed oblivion awaits. I saw like a floating screen of my "final score" with name, points, total asset value (which was kinda low in retrospect) as though you get a sort of a closeout grade to compare with folks you'll see on the Otherside. Maybe. At some point I'm stumbling around and went to the bathroom and just kinda had to think about some stuff. Standing up, so at that I am more than fairly certain I was awake. And then I went and laid down again, curled up in my comforter not entirely certain of my status. Had I? How would I know? It's one of those things that happens when you live alone too long I guess. 

I checked my phone. 

Looking back I get that it didn't exactly help that lady in the story, but I guess that's where we are now. But who do you call at 4am with a non-emergency emergency? Who would understand, especially since nobody is familiar with the original story I probably shouldn't have actually read as a proper context for evaluation? Lying there in the dark a little afraid to do anything was not cool. 

I'm of the age where things just...happen. You get a notification of this person or that person is no longer with us and it just so sudden. And the stress of our current situation as a country, plus my current situation as a person, has me stressed in ways that aren't conducive to someone trying to get ready to run an ultra marathon or prepare for the Olympics. Neither of those categories includes me by the way, but if it ain't good for them, it surely isn't good for me either. I've been slacking on my working out - I had been pretty diligent - as other things in life keep creeping up and let's just say my focus has been split. I just did my personal fit check and found myself...lacking. I started on tightening up some things, but had I been too late? Then my morning alarm went off, which currently is radio, which my imagination started interpreting as "signs from the universe," as I found all kinds of secret messages meant only for me in every song lyric. 

This morning, at 5am, I lay in bed, unable to sleep, holding my phone wondering if I was a character in a horror story. 

I just need the next chapter in my life to start already. Damn. 

Barkeep. You have any of that "mushroom coffee" jazz?     

Once again...Last year.

Last year I described 2024 as the experience of waking up buck naked in the middle of the night in a cornfield. 

This year? Oh how I wish for that cornfield again. That was a nice cornfield. Good ears of corn too.  

Last year I watched as this country was ...reduced? Self-owned? Marginalized? Defenestrated? I need a word that captures so many things and I'm not sure that it even exists. So much happened outside of me that made me feel that my situation was trivial. Even when it wasn't. Things were not good. And last year I realized that I would have to take a leap into the darkness and just see where I land. But in what may have been some of the worst possible timing, as the ground appears to have moved the very moment my feet left it. Which, if you understand me, makes the landing part very difficult. 

But my peoples. 

For the record, I don't like to bother people. This I mean on a personal level, not professional. It's become sort of a personal flaw, to be completely honest. I have to force myself to be social. To call. To check in. To see how others are doing and being - because I really have an issue with being a bother. They're busy, they have lives and I'm just...well, me. Part of it is just being an introvert naturally, some of it learned de-socialization after I spent thirty years purposely making myself social, and lately coupled with a bit of personal shame at my current situation, it's been a real homebody just sitting around kinda season. I'm going to creatively say it was a low-key a "retreat" of sorts. Except my running partner keeps checking on me. And my cousin. And people I didn't expect to get to share company with showed back up. That last one is almost too good to be true, for a number of reasons. I need to get out more because I apparently have friends. It may have all been real. 

That need of a firm piece earth to land? Instead of just figuring it out alone...well, we'll see. 

Let's see what the year brings.  

Bird Day

Ramblings Post #415
I need a little gravy on mine. I just do. Don't ask why. It's good on the chicken, the pork-chops and the steak. Don't know why, but it is. It's a sad commentary on how I let my taste buds hijack my diet. Sad, but delicious. 

Apparently this week's assignment is the gas up the Cowboy Nation after beating Philly, with commentator after commentator suddenly seeing how the 'boys can beat Kansas City on Thursday. I am a die hard fan, as my mother puts it you would think the team pays me, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Dallas has one of the worst stretches of scheduling in the game, with Monday Night game, a Sunday game and Thursday game for three games in less than fourteen days. They've won two, and now are expecting to pull off the upset in the third? 

Um, look, my blood pressure is high enough. Its looking like Jerry might have actually known what he was doing at the trade table after all, but pulled the trigger a little too late to make it work this season. Maybe. The new look D-Line might be able to put pressure on Mahomes, and he's suspect under pressure. No matter, I will have high hopes for next season. 

But this post is about Bird Day. The last under-commericalized holiday we have. I memories of my childhood and trips to the country to see my peoples. A typical Thanksgiving spread would have included at least 3 turkeys (fried, smoked, baked), ham, chicken(fried, baked, grilled), ribs, pork chops, pulled pork, sausage, chitterlings, venison, stewed beef and various gravies. Sometimes we'd get exotic, with bear or snake, but not often. Then came the mac and cheese, yellow rice, white rice, stuffing, mashed potatoes, potato salad, and a small meatloaf (which I never ate), sometimes there is a baked ziti. Then the sides with green beans, lima beans, black eyed peas, green peas, corn, collard greens, okra along rolls, biscuits, cornbread and just regular bread. Desserts - cakes and pies, were in a whole other room. There was more, but this is what I remember. 

Grace was around two and you ate, napped, watched football, hung out with family, ate some more and that was the whole day. Neighbors and other people we knew dropped in, caught up, hung out, told stories and left toting a tin foil covered plate. 

We're not there anymore. Those loving aunts and uncles are cooking on high at this point, family has spread too far and away, finances are what they are, but the memories are a powerful thing. 

Blessings be to you and yours. May the food be good, but the company better.