Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Another Long Day

Some days are long. Still, some days are even longer than then "some days."

I haven't been writing lately because I've got a lot on my mind, and with that AND the bar prep, writing hasn't been my outlet. But then right this second, nothing is my outlet.

You stand and ready yourself for what comes, take a deep breath, and wait for the sky to fall...and hope you can catch it.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Things I meant to comment on...(Life Edition)

Ramblings Post #192
It's been a minute since I popped on here to update the world as to goings on of a prematurely graying, probably could still stand to lose a few more pounds, trying to get his plan together, middle aged African American male in the southern part of the United States. At one point in my history,  this update would have been an exciting tale of intrigue and seduction. Well, maybe not an exciting tale. And not much seduction either, much to my personal disappointment. And intriguing is contextual. So maybe this is just a couple of words on a digital page in a digital bottle out in the middle of a virtual ocean. That scream into the virtual darkness.


It would appear that after all this hard work and dedication, there are no more classes I need to qualify for a degree of Juris Doctor. It would appear, kinds souls, that I be done.

The new question is:  What have I done?

Not like it's over though. There is a foot and half tall stack of books in the corner with the words "bar prep material" written all over it. And I keep getting stories of it either being exhausting or mind-numbing. That's it, there is no positive or uplifting version of that story. It’s a matter of semantics : it will hurt bad or you will be badly hurt.  And you still might not pass.

So I got that going for me.


My folks were in town for graduation. It was great seeing the folks, as I haven't ridden down to the old homestead in a minute.  See my elder relatives. Gets me a chili dog from the old spot and chill for minute. And hope my stuff is here when I get back.


In an odd stroke of luck, the police called last week to kindly inform me that they've figured out who broke into my house and are issuing an arrest warrant. Which is amazing, considering the success rate for cracking burglary cases is somewhere around 10% or less. Not that I expect to get my stuff back or anything silly like that. Okay, I like to believe that maybe he kept the TV. It was a nice TV. I would like the TV back.

Other than that I bought a book shelf (Ikea) and nice comfy chair to get my stuff organized and ready to start studying for the bar. 

For the past week I've been getting slaughtered regularly in Dwarf Fortress and putting games on the Playstation, but not actually playing them. I have number of games I've purchased over the years, off the bargain rack at GameStop or the used game rack at wherever, that I've never loaded up because I didn't have time to learn a new button pressing  scheme. 

But then bar prep starts soon. So I'm still not gonna have time to learn a new button pressing scheme.  Still, loading them up and seeing the start screens that one day I'll play gives me hope for the future. Okay, not really, but it's something to do.

My Cell Phone

My cell phone is broken. Well, not really broken, as it does makes calls..and texts, and pushes email. And lets me play the little word game on it. And the Google map is useful, it gives traffic updates! But the camera is broken, in that it has slid down in the housing and now half of all the pictures are black. Which is occasionally inconvenient. So I trundled over to the AT&T store to get a new one, because I have the insurance. I won't get the phone without the insurance. I've purchased two phones outright, because I didn't have the insurance, and they were expensive! So, I always get the insurance.

Only now, phone insurance has a deductible. Wait, what? My last phone had no deductible, what's this now? So the guy looks it up, and lo and behold guess what? The deductible is the same price as getting a new phone and starting a new plan.  Son of a...

I didn't take that many damn pictures no way.


So what's Next? Like a lot of folks (due the economy), here I am halfway through the game hitting reset. I realize that there are no rules to life, there was no specific way that this was supposed to be done, but this makes me starting adding up the score in my head. And maybe I'm thinking of it in less than rosy terms because the things and events I had filled the space of my life with (life's little distractions) are gone because I stripped them all away in my effort to get to here. And now that I'm here, well, here is looking a) kinda empty and b) like like I'm in for a lot more work.

Maybe its that I've spent too many hours at my house alone staring at the walls, scared to go out because I might like it, then have to get unused to it quickly once this bar prep starts. Maybe its that I miss people, because the headcount in my house is one, and it doesn't look like its gonna increase anytime soon. I didn't realize how much I needed chicken plucking to keep me sane, and the people I worked with, as opposed to school and long bouts of studying alone, which may have started loosening the bolts on my psyche.  I may have to become a *gasp* coffee shop guy just to get some interaction. Or eat lunch out all the time.  Or something.

Barkeep. Let's extend your vacation. Because it feels like they outlawed hazing everywhere but law school. 

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Finals are..., one last time

Ramblings Post #191
I don't have anything to put here. I've been busy, trying to get everything lined up, trying to get everything finished off, trying to get to....what? So you wake up every morning, and get after it, because right this minute there isn't anything else to do. Wait, I think I wrote this story.

Finals are  realizing you haven't moved in a hour trying to let your brain find a foothold in the text of your own notes so that you can rewrite them for your answer. Then realizing that what you're looking at might not be the best answer, so you find something more applicable, and start the whole process over.  Again.

Finals are looking at what you've done like its disgusting because you know you can do better, then looking at the question again and realizing you've answered it and there is nothing else to say. And then wondering what you did wrong because what you wrote doesn't look all that impressive.

Finals are realizing you can't eat what you want, because lazy bleeds over, so you structure your meals like you structure your day, up early and straight to the computer to start the process of synthesizing what you've learned into what form they want you to show that you learned enough to make them think you've learned enough. Or at least enough to look like it.

Finals are  feeling in the pit of your stomach that you've forgotten something. Not the relatively annoying idea that you've left something on the counter and  haven't made it to the corner yet so you can turn around sensation, but the idea that you've forgotten to bring oxygen and you're on the moon. It happens to me after each exam, moments after every paper has left my hand, or the upload button has been pressed for the take homes. Five more minutes and I would have rewritten an  entire twenty pages.

Finals are looking at what's left and wondering where the rest of it is.

Finals are that same feeling you've been getting, only now if you stumble that's all she wrote. Only it turns out if you ever stumbled again, because you have stumbled before, that it was going to be all she wrote anyway. So this time is no different than every other time. But then that realization does absolutely nothing to lessen the tension of the moment.

Finals are, this time,  the "new question mark", because before when I finished my finals there were eventually just more finals to come, more measurements of my ability and ways to grade my legal growth. This time there will be nothing else of this kind to come my way. My new normal has run its course, and you realize that beyond that is the unknown. When you reach a goal you should have a new goal. It's the idea that 15 days ago I was working towards this moment, and 15 days from now where will I be?

Well, in this case, studying for the bar, but you get the idea. Then what?

Finals are the barkeep staying away for your own good.