Let's see...

Relapse Post #8
When we're young, we make plans. At this point in my life, I'm supposed to be doing X, making Y amount of money and married to a fine Z who does that crazy thing with their....um, I digress. We make plans. Sometimes set in stone. But life doesn't always go according to plan. You make adjustments, you change, you take in the lay of the land and make course corrections based on previously flawed information. But in any case you end up keeping moving forward. And if you're smart, you always have a plan. Not inflexible anymore, but a plan. When I was young I made plans. But I didn't know anything then. So now I have better plans.

It is that time again.

Time to get out your costumes, get your dance moves down, decorate the house and cook the feast. It happens every year and you don't want to miss out, so be ready. It's Sporty's birthday.

Well, actually isn't for a minute, a month or so, but one doesn't just run out at the last minute with these things. Am I wrong for thinking in advance?

In the past I planned as much as three or four months in advance, looking through shops and pricing things trying to find stuff she might like. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes it still comes down to the last weekend I'm wandering through some little shop trying to find that certain something just before we'd go out. I actually liked doing it, and I don't particularly like shopping.

There was always something about her face, the way it lit up when she would open the bag after we'd had dinner. I say bag because it was rarely one big gift, but instead a series of small gifts. She's complicated, so I tried to get something for all the various facets of her. For a long time I considered getting her *cough* jewelry. First girl in a long time. But it seems that when my mind leans in the direction of such grand gestures, fate swings out of nowhere and shoots me a quick painful jab to the eye. Or the throat.

But when I got her gifts her face would glow a little. She would grin, peer into the bag, and then go through it all, taking the time to remark on everything, good or bad. There is a happiness there I just can't put to words.

She likes the tees with the cool slogans on them, so look for them but have never found any I thought were, um..."suitable" is the term I'm gonna use. She likes to read, so I've given a book or two. I'd get her bath stuff because well, girls like bath stuff, even when she said she didn't like bath stuff she liked it. She likes bracelets, so I get her bracelets. I throw in the quirky. Sometimes I see stuff that makes me think of her and I've learned enough to know I need to get it now, or find myself trying to remember which store I was in when I saw that. I've gotten her gift cards, which I think are so impersonal sometimes, and hats so she looks like the cool chick in the back of the jazz club who you just know owns a motorcycle and knows walks around the house barefoot.

Making her happy makes me happy.

Made me happy.

Well still does really, only some of the magic isn't there because of the distance. But I can hear her smile through the phone. It's hard to describe.

As I said, in the past I would plan three or four months in advance for that one night, considering and re-jiggering. I'm a little late this year, only got a few weeks. Hope I can find something good enough. Yes, I really do have a list. And a plan.

Barkeep, a little traveling alcohol.

Merry Christmas

Um...there ain't a whole lot more after that.

Sorry.

Bad Economy.

But it's allowed us all to get back to basics, to understand that the Holiday isn't about what we get, it's about love and family and friends and celebrating another year of health and happiness, and knowing that during those moments when things are a little less bright, some will be there.

Beautiful, isn't it? But a 50 inch plasma flat screen sure would have been nice.

When I grow up....

As you may or may not have guessed, among other things I'm an aspiring writer. Well, technically everyone you know is an aspiring writer (including you) because everyone has a story to tell. One they think is exciting, other people want to know and think Tom Cruise would be a great lead in the movie version. Or in my case Denzel Washington, in a pinch Sam Jackson.

But as a active writer, you tend to read a lot. Well, most of us do, Stephen King I understand writes a book every forty five minutes or so, so maybe he can only squeeze in a read during bathroom breaks, but most writers I know are avid readers. A good book and a snack and you might not hear from me for hours. I have read a some novels in a single sitting.

When you think about it, writing is the hardest possible medium to work in. True you have blank page, no actors to corral or studio to placate, but for your intended audience to get it...they will have to do everything. They have to envision the it all with only your guidance, filling in the voices, the looks and vibe all from imagination. To build an following of readers takes skill and a good story. So it makes me wonder why despite the success of sticking to the story as written (see Harry Potter), Hollywood persists in rewriting established works to fit the screen and not the other way around. (Writing that makes me realize that's going to be a whole other post.)

I'm going to take a moment, for the readers out there, to introduce a few of my favorite authors. Guys I read, how I feel about them and why I think picking up a book by them might not be your worst option. So here goes...

Carl Hiaasen
I just like him. He's a Florida writer, which means he writes about things that can only happen in Florida. As a one time resident of the state, I realize that there is something inherently wrong with the whole place, it just seems to breed a mindset that is three degrees off kilter. But then that's what makes for interesting reading, and Hiaasen has way of showcasing those odd characters.

Clive Cussler
I once described Cussler as the greatest hack ever to put word to printed page. His characters are cut whole cloth either hero or villain, cardboard in construction and design, melodramatic and easily predictable. That said I must own ten or twelve novels by him. You don't read a Cussler novel to see if the hero wins, you read it to see how he wins. A few of the books read like he works from a template...but it sure is fun reading.

Dan Jenkins
The vast majority of the works of Dan Jenkins in novel form swirl around the goings on of the people of Fort Worth, Texas. That would be because he's from there, so it's understandable, and that's what gives the work it's charm. His books read like either soap operas for men or little stories of stupidity that happen involve people he knows. He's an old white man writer, so occasionally the work is ...insensitive...but it's still a good read.

Donald Westlake
There is something about a Westlake book. I mostly only read the Dortmunder series from Westlake, in my opinion his best character, a criminal planner whose exploits more often than not leave them only the greater experience rather than the loot. I've heard some say Elmore Leonard is a great criminal fiction writer, but then I don't think those folks have ever read Donald Westlake.

Phil Foligo
I started reading Phil through comic books, but that isn't the right medium for him. His latest offering, the online graphic novel Girl Genius, is a magnum opus of a work, well into what must be it's 25th chapter and I swear nothing has happened yet. Yet still worth a read. Amazing. When he does put pen to paper it's almost like he's created a whole other world, and is rushing to get it all out before the next bit of thought strikes him.

Ross Thomas
A good Ross Thomas novel is two things, well written and eerily hewn to the truth of how things happen. There are few explosions, nothing world shattering, and usually not a whole lot of money at stake. But the stories are the kind you can believe actually happened somewhere, and that you weren't supposed to know. Mr. Thomas died quite a few years back, but I ever find a book of his that I don't have, I'd put down food in order to get it.

Terry Pratchett
Think Harry Potter, only good. And funny. Pratchett's best series, Discworld, is at 30 books and counting. His characters memorable, his stories satiric and full of bits of language you'll read more than once they're so oddly funny. I wait for a new Pratchett book like a kid waiting for Christmas.

So pick one up...

Barkeep....a nice tall glass of koolaid. You gotta lunch meat sandwich back there?

Why be nice?

Yesteday I sent Shade (from my NYE hospital visit - whom I still talk to regularly) her combination birthday-Christmas-New Years-Welcome back-Ground Hog's-Valentine-President's Day present and I remembered why I like to give people stuff. We'd just talked on the phone the Thursday before and she asked me why I would get her anything. My response was a typical guy response, something trite and shallow, and we kind of ended it there, but I thought about it and now ask myself why would I go through the trouble? She's not my girl, or on track to be my girl. We've not seen each other in years, but the internet and cell phones have kept us in contact. She has her life and I have mine. So why?

I'm not sure.

Maybe it's because I have so much affection to give, and now, no one to give it to that I'm searching out people to direct my energies towards. Unfortunately for me, I have an odd tendency to only want to the best - silly me - and thus a lot of the women I associate with and are interested in are beautiful, sexy, ambitious and completely unavailable. They always like me, hell everybody likes me I'm that kinda guy, but these women are usually spoken for (some measure the time they've been single since they were fourteen in minutes), or not looking (because some guy before got happy and fucked it up) or I slip and fall and end up in the friend zone (which is technically the same as being gay for all intents and purposes).

I like happy people. What can I say? Over the years I gifted Sporty so much, I felt bad adding up the numbers.

I like to cook for friends. I like to make drinks for women. I remember birthdays, holidays, favorite flowers, sizes, interests, and crap like that without thinking. I'm bizarrely thoughtful. I help out and pitch in and all that. I enjoy the practice of making the people around me better, and then afterwards giving them gifts. I believe I have a problem.

That, and I like to drink. And sex.

Now, I can be stingy, evil even when offended. Occasionally I have "moods"...and once stopped going out with a woman when she wouldn't let me finish a sentence. I'm not perfect. I'm not even close. But I try.

My friends all call me the same thing, which is kinda of insult in this digital world. They say that I'm a "nice guy".

So what is a guy to do?

Barkeep, a tall orange koolaid. Do you have a Star Wars glass?