How to miss an Opportunity

Ramblings Post #190
I'm certain I've missed many opportunities in my life. I'm fairly certain my first kiss should have occurred long before it finally did. There are countless occasions where I'm certain had I simply not shrugged my shoulders I would richer and wiser. Had I taken that job offer in New York. Or called somebody back. Or simply said "I don't think we're just practicing anymore." They say live life with no regrets.  But I think if you live to the age you understand what regrets are, its already too late.


So today, my brother sends me an email. My email is pushed to my cell phone, so I know immediately, but because I'm paranoid I don't open it at that instant. And by paranoid, I mean I was in the car and had already seen two cars pulled over to the side of the road, and because the last time I got into a car and forgot to put my seat belt on just happened to be the day the officer pulled in behind me and noticed ....AND texting and driving is illegal, I decided to not check it right away.

Time: Right after eleven am.

I get to campus, roll upstairs to the classroom my 1pm is in and check to see what he's sent. It's a listing that a major firm is looking for in-house counsel, and the experience range is zero to two years. Wait, I have zero to two years! Well, closer to the zero, but I have so much other experience maybe I can make it translate. So, I break out the resume and start the process of making my other experiences sound like what they're looking for. I get interrupted by my classmates who also arrive early, and stop to discuss our last negotiation exercise...which raised some hackles during the process. Long discussion. But I only give that talk half my attention, and  I get the resume straight and ready about 5 minutes before class starts. 

Time: Just before one pm.

After that three hour class I go to the bookstore, get some notepads I've been needing for a while and head to the classroom for my class that starts at six, which is empty right about then. Thinking maybe they'll ask for a cover letter, I pull one of my previous ones up and spend roughly a half hour phrasing things to show me in the best light, highlighting how my previous non-legal experience fits into what they're looking for and expand on an item or two in the resume. You only get one chance to make a first impression, so I need to make it stick.

Time: Quarter till five.

I pull the link back up, create the obligatory log-in at said company's site so I can add my resume...and the listing is gone. I work sideways, searching through their entire database, then using the job listing number, then searching all legal jobs at the firm just to be sure, although that's really just a subset of the earlier search. Gone. They've stopped taking applications.

Just like that. Damn.

I have to be quicker the next time. Faster. Stronger. Not that getting the application in would guarantee me anything, but still, I'm fairly certain I would have gotten a second and third look. Yes, I'm just that good. Or at least that interesting.

Barkeep. Red Bull with bee pollen. I got to get it! 

You never thought it would happen

Dick Clark. Another legend from my youth passes on. The thing I found shocking is that he was only 82. I had the impression for the longest that he was knocking on the door to 100. Maybe a 150.

Wait, no Dick Clark? Does that mean no New Year? Were the Mayans right?

One more step

Ramblings Post #189
Sometimes its the nervous that makes it all go smooth. Because you're nervous, you check things again just make sure. Because you're nervous, you go over it in your head one more time. Because you're nervous, you begin to act out the movements, go through the motions repeatedly, even though you've got them down cold. And then you sometimes, you just have to smile and say whatever, let's just do this.

I had a pretty down cycle weekend. A lot of paperwork for a project that every time I looked at it, seemed to grow in size. Articles of Incorporation? Simple. Bylaws? A little more comprehensive. Prospective Resolutions? Since the data wasn't there I had to make a lot of assumptions, which meant covering possibilities I hadn't even thought of when I started typing.

Then today, I notice that my MPRE score popped up in my email. The MPRE is the Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination, an ethics test you have to pass to even have your application be considered for taking the bar.  It was literally something I hadn't even thought about in two weeks. I resolved to open it when I got home from my night class, with a drink in my hand.  It was one of those tests where you walk out going "what the hell was that?"

So, on break during my night class I went ahead and looked.

Bing! Passed it. With a fairly good score too...not just scraping by.   

One more hurdle down.

Barkeep. Drinks all around. And by drinks I mean water. I'm not rolling yet!

News from Elsewhere

The African Renaissance Monument is a 49m (160ft) tall bronze statue located on top one of the twin hills known as Collines des Mamelles, outside of Dakar, Senegal.

It is the tallest statue in the world outside Asia and the former Soviet Union

The statue is taller than the Statue of Liberty, stands on a hill overlooking the capital, Dakar. It marks Senegal’s 50 years of independence, and the president, Abdoulaye Wade has said he hopes it will become a tourist attraction.

The representation of a man, woman and child emerging from a volcano was inaugurated at a ceremony featuring hundreds of drummers and dancers.

Unveiling Ceremony:

On 3 April 2010, the African Renaissance Monument was unveiled in Dakar in front of 19 African heads of state, including President of Malawi and the African Union Bingu wa Mutharika, Jean Ping of the African Union and the Presidents of Benin, Cape Verde, Republic of Congo, Ivory Coast, Gambia, Liberia, Mali, Mauritania and Zimbabwe, as well as representatives from North Korea, and Jesse Jackson and musician Akon, both from the United States. Everyone was given a tour.

President Wade said “It brings to life our common destiny. Africa has arrived in the 21st century standing tall and more ready than ever to take its destiny into its hands”. President Bingu said “This monument does not belong to Senegal. It belongs to the African people wherever we are”. Reverend Jackson said “This renaissance statue is a powerful idea from a powerful mind. This is dedicated to the journey of our ancestors, enslaved but not slaves”.

I don't even remember a blip on CNN.  

When the story in your head....is just a story

Relapse Post #9

If you believe, you can achieve. That's the idea,  but what really happens is if you lie to yourself long enough even you will start to think the fantasy is reality. That's where the danger comes in, in those instances where all you've been doing is repeating the tale, but moving the story, the gap is what kills you. 

Sporty is on the move.

Back when she was looking for work two years ago, she talked about Indiana, Oklahoma, Louisiana, there may have even been a mention of tropical St. Croix before the people around the corner from her made an offer to get started in her preferred new field and she jumped at it. There were many  nights during that waiting period that  I'd spoken to God and asked him to help her, to bring her happiness, even if it meant without being with me. So back when she let me know she was ready to get started on this new path I was happy for her, but I was disappointed that she wouldn't be returning to Atlanta.

But now she's packing up her stuff again, and heading back east.

No, not back to Atlanta, but to the DC Metro Megaplex which is close to where she's from.  So I'm guessing the lesson to be learned here is to be careful what you ask for.

It's always great when you can sit ringside while people you care about get those things they've worked for. It's kind of beautiful, even when you're only virtually there. Even when it means you're not going to get those things you've hoped for. I'm happy for her, honestly and truly. But since then I can feel the tears floating behind my eyes. Hey, at least this time I didn't lose the feeling in my legs. I'm getting better at this right?

I keep wondering what's wrong with me, why I get so fixated? When i talk about them, I like to romanticize my feelings, to make seem them noble, deep and elegant. Apparently they aren't anything like that. I've picked this Sporty narrative up again, as though it were now any more possible, when I should have left it where it was - in the closet of my mind. Maybe I've watched too many movies, internalized the words to far too many love songs (as a writer, I am always looking for meaning in words), and maybe because the hope was so much better than the bleak truth I just let it ride, for far too long.

Yes, I know I'm rehashing things that are over, or maybe never existed for anyone but me. Yes, just so you know Serve has already blessed me out this, again. But, for the record, they met once and Serve told me later she instantly didn't like her, so there maybe some bias. Yes, I realize this is my problem, not Sporty's.

I've got a million reasons why this didn't work out due my own social and emotional incompetence, without even entertaining the idea that it might never have worked at all under any circumstances and amounted to little more than a lucid fever dream from the beginning. But rehashing things, something I'd always done is just another skill you're supposed to use in law. I'm still rehashing projects from my first year of law school. How many writing projects have restarted? This is what I do!

So where am I going with this? I don't know. How do I fix this? Well, if I knew that I wouldn't be putting this drivel on the internet, now would I? And just so we're clear...No, I'm not going to learn a damn thing.

Funny thing we call love. Funny thing.

Barkeep. Something alcoholic. And in large quantities.