Last year I described 2024 as the experience of waking up buck naked in the middle of the night in a cornfield.
This year? Oh how I wish for that cornfield again. That was a nice cornfield. Good ears of corn too.
Last year I watched as this country was ...reduced? Self-owned? Marginalized? Defenestrated? I need a word that captures so many things and I'm not sure that it even exists. So much happened outside of me that made me feel that my situation was trivial. Even when it wasn't. Things were not good. And last year I realized that I would have to take a leap into the darkness and just see where I land. But in what may have been some of the worst possible timing, as the ground appears to have moved the very moment my feet left it. Which, if you understand me, makes the landing part very difficult.
But my peoples.
For the record, I don't like to bother people. This I mean on a personal level, not professional. It's become sort of a personal flaw, to be completely honest. I have to force myself to be social. To call. To check in. To see how others are doing and being - because I really have an issue with being a bother. They're busy, they have lives and I'm just...well, me. Part of it is just being an introvert naturally, some of it learned de-socialization after I spent thirty years purposely making myself social, and lately coupled with a bit of personal shame at my current situation, it's been a real homebody just sitting around kinda season. I'm going to creatively say it was a low-key a "retreat" of sorts. Except my running partner keeps checking on me. And my cousin. And people I didn't expect to get to share company with showed back up. That last one is almost too good to be true, for a number of reasons. I need to get out more because I apparently have friends. It may have all been real.
That need of a firm piece earth to land? Instead of just figuring it out alone...well, we'll see.
Let's see what the year brings.
