It's in a box somewhere in here

Ramblings Post #416
There is a tendency of mine to revisit myself. To look back at my life to understand why I did what I did and how to either repeat or avoid that past outcome. This self reflection is probably something I need to do less of, as I'm fairly certain that I'm not gonna be five years old again any time soon, and that guy who owns that ice cream truck is more than likely retired, so my rehashing my selection like it's gonna happen again or make a major difference is moot. But still...  

Many years ago I sketched the outline for a comic book, among other things. The idea came to me in a flash - as many of my ideas do - and built upon it, concept on top of concept for months if not weeks. It was weird, anthropomorphic, based on popular college mascots at the time. That and some animals in logos of popular brands. Think of the characters from Zootopia, but less colorful or spunky or really animal like, and in a world of espionage and intrigue more like James Bond or Mission Impossible. I'd worked out a whole world, inflection points in the the history, and sketched out the story through 30 or so issues, including arcs. At one point I even tried sketching out the pages, trying my best to bring this vision in my head to life. It wasn't good. 

I wonder if I had persisted how well I'd be able to draw at this point? Hmmmm.  

In any case, I'd occasionally refine the story, creating more characters, deepening backstories and motivations, made drawings of maps of the whole planet, then smaller detailed maps of the capital cities of the various animal based factions complete with legends and then diagrams of secret bases. It's all in a folder somewhere in my house. Well, the story outlines at least, possibly the maps to now that I think about it. I need to look for it and see what I did. 

Or is this an excuse to delay my other projects instead of finishing them.  

Confidence in my own ability. That's always been my problem, second guessing myself when in those cases I proceed, I succeed. Because over time I get better. Like most of us do. Which is why I've always suggested that we should just start and understand that we will be...not good. But we will get better. 

At least, I've always suggested that to other people.  

Barkeep. The GOOD water. 

Art Lives within us All

Ramblings Post #415
Art is a thing. I know when we imagined AI's arrival, we imagined that it would take away all the drudgery and accounting jobs, not the creation of Art, our that vision in our heads made public. I've seen too many people giddy with the anticipation of "creation," as if creation is now putting five sentences into a AI engine and hitting refresh until it spits out something they like. Where is the voice? The vision? The soul? It's something, no doubt but it's not really Art. It's just...content. If you know what I mean. 

Crown of the Feast by Izere Antoine 

Good art soothes. You can see the lines, the intent, and hopefully it says something to you. I've been out for a minute, but good Art, be it written, musical, or the product of paint or pen does something to you. It should. It should tell you that you're alive. 
 

Who is you?

Who are you? 

Or rather, who am I...to me? We know the question of how we are seen by others is one rife with the idea of multiple right answers, as how you're seen depends on where you are in your life, your relationship to the observer and a half dozen other factors. You're not the same person to your life mate as you are to your old college roommate. One of them has to hide the sweets and the other is projecting from a version of you that they haven't seen in more than twenty years. No, the real question is who are you to yourself? Not the bathroom mirror you who can sing or the kitchen you whose recipes are word for word back of the box perfect, but the real you. And more importantly, who is that person...to you? 

It said you'll only going to spend your whole life with one person...YOURSELF. (Yes, very cliche.) So it is suggested that you learn to like that person. Or at least figure out how to get along. Because that person, yourself, is going to be the person who supports you, who makes sure that you get what you need, that hopefully loves you. So it's important that you know who that person really is. And not the version you show the job, or the version you show social media, or your mate, or friends. The real you. Who are they? 

That's where it gets tricky. Because part of knowing who you are to yourself is taking the time in the quiet to listen to yourself and hear what you have to say to you. In an honest and forthright fashion because lying to yourself is a special kind of silly. Tell yourself the unvarnished truth, and what hopefully will happen is you'll discover why you are. Yes, this sounds like therapy doesn't it. But, once you know the why of you, then you can start the process of becoming the intentional you and not a you that is just the product of your experiences. 

The rough part is that some of us know what we're going to say to ourselves and we're pretty sure we're not going to like it. Where we have to admit things to ourselves and deal with it. The ugly side. The unpleasant things. Our personal truths that we see as flawed. They may or may not be but we see them this way. This by the way is why far too many of us NEED our distractions - music, television, trips, going out, anything for something to do. Just like we avoid difficult conversations with other people instead of sitting with ourselves and listening we turn on some music or clean the house. For the third time this week. No, it's not that damn dusty. You just don't want to have that conversation.

Every year I implore people to do something, anything, but just be active because life is too short. This year I'm asking you sit down, with no music or television, no distractions and just listen to your own thoughts. Discover who you are. Listen to you. And try to understand who you really are, on your own terms, away from career and family, away from outside expectations and other influences. In an effort that I hope will set you on the path to becoming a very intentional version of yourself. Whatever that means to you (see what I did there?). Because life is too short to not understand who you are, to like who you are, to love who you are. 

So, who are you? 

MLK - Familiar Territory

We are supposed to be further along. Closer to making the dream a reality. 

But here we are. 

And this is looking far to close to ground we covered sixty plus years ago, only heading in the wrong direction. Right now we're standing and watching, but before long we'll be the focus as we always are. Yes, we've been betrayed, again, but we don't have a lot of options, so that anger will have to be quelled and grievances allayed, yet again. I hope that we can again find the strength of character and the courage of conviction our grandfathers had.

Last Year Was.

I feel like last year was the experience of waking up in the middle of the night in a cornfield, buck naked.

Last year was.

And no, that's not going to trail off into something resembling pithy remarks, philosophical thoughts or comedic punditry learned through struggle. To wake up in lost in cornfield you generally have to start the night off good. The year did. To end up in the cornfield, well, things have to take a wicked turn. Last year started out with hope, new challenges, new possibility and an opportunity to do some things. It ends with me at home, tired and alone, psyching myself up to take leaps into the gaping maw of the vast unknown and just see what happens.

So....let's see what happens.