Friday, August 15, 2008

It just keeps coming and coming and .....

Mental Rehab Post #14
Life is the thing that happens while you're making plans, or so they say. I'm really wishing there was a pause button somewhere so I could stop and take stock of everything that's changed in past 6 months. A whole lot going on, a lot of it outside of my control. It's really testing my 5% theory of unpredictability. Cheesy commentary aside, sometimes it's about feeling you at least had a say in what happens to you.

I got a lot on my mind lately. Dredging up that memory from college was eye opening to say the least, and my realization how it has affected me was a revelation. Not to say that realizing why I do some of the things I do will make me not do them, but it will make think about my actions more. Introspection shouldn't be a bad experience, unless you've forgotten more about who you are than you know now. I think I forgot a lot on purpose.

But things are in flux. Almost too many.

"Storm" by il nastro di mobius

School - It's amazing how much and how little the school experience has changed. Everything is electronic and yet it's as though we're all still doing it on paper. The ease of doing everything online is stymied by the concept of systems failing to update, antiquated back systems and the stress of trying to do all of it part time. But my books did come in.

Work - It's as though I work with unbalanced circus monkeys afflicted with ADD. And it's not going to get better.

House - The pleasure of ownership is still currently only JUST outweighing the problems of having. There as so many little things that still need to be done, and when you get one thing done the next looms so large. My house still feels like it's temporary, like I'm only staying there until my real life starts. It's a feeling I have about my life as well.

My New Social Situation - Hello oblivion. Be there in a minute. Everyone I know says that law school is all consuming. That's just great. Peachy. Wooooo. Can't wait. Bassids.

My Folks - The people who were adults when I was kid are...getting old. My dad always jokes that considering "it is better than the alternative." And I'm getting concerned.

Bills - I would be an American not named Gates, Buffett or Kennedy. I have bills.

Football - Dammit Jessica, the Cowboys need get to Tampa this season. I know it's all love and belt buckles with you and Tony but we don't need them distractions in the NFC east. This is where Champions are born. That and I so want to go see the old stadium just one time and the new stadium when it's done.

Sporty - Still dreaming about her. Still thinking about her. Still love her. And I always will.

My Health - There are some things that hurt that probably shouldn't. And I need to get back in the gym something terrible

My Friends - much like my family, my friends are changing growing and well, getting on with life. Some are having real problems which make mine esoteric by comparison. And I think about them all the time. Friends are the family you get to pick.

The Future - With so many things in flux, so many changes, so many plans that right now I feel like I'm not me, like I'm living my life for other people, not doing the things I want to do. It is not a pleasant feeling. I like shaving. And since so much fell apart in the past few's like a spilled my drink on that piece of paper with the secret of life.

Six months ago I had a plan. I had a dream. I had at least a pathway. And now I'm just kinda going through the motions to get to wherever the next step is. True, Law School probably isn't the easiest step, and not really my first, second or even fifteenth choice of career...but I then what I do now wasn't even on the list. But like I'm drafting for my Superbowl team, it's the best available option right now. I'd hoped to have a little side project off the ground before I started, but things are in such flux. Still I'm going to need make some changes...fundamental changes... so that I have at least the illusion of the semblance of control.

Barkeep. A little bit of a dream...mix in some being too.

1 comment:

Bay Martin said...

I do the same thing during quiet time. At least once a week, I commune with nature, lift up my prayers and thanksgiving to Him for all the blessings.

Have a wonderful day!