Things I meant to comment on...(Life Edition)

Ramblings Post #192
It's been a minute since I popped on here to update the world as to goings on of a prematurely graying, probably could still stand to lose a few more pounds, trying to get his plan together, middle aged African American male in the southern part of the United States. At one point in my history,  this update would have been an exciting tale of intrigue and seduction. Well, maybe not an exciting tale. And not much seduction either, much to my personal disappointment. And intriguing is contextual. So maybe this is just a couple of words on a digital page in a digital bottle out in the middle of a virtual ocean. That scream into the virtual darkness.

School

It would appear that after all this hard work and dedication, there are no more classes I need to qualify for a degree of Juris Doctor. It would appear, kinds souls, that I be done.

The new question is:  What have I done?

Not like it's over though. There is a foot and half tall stack of books in the corner with the words "bar prep material" written all over it. And I keep getting stories of it either being exhausting or mind-numbing. That's it, there is no positive or uplifting version of that story. It’s a matter of semantics : it will hurt bad or you will be badly hurt.  And you still might not pass.

So I got that going for me.

Family

My folks were in town for graduation. It was great seeing the folks, as I haven't ridden down to the old homestead in a minute.  See my elder relatives. Gets me a chili dog from the old spot and chill for minute. And hope my stuff is here when I get back.

House

In an odd stroke of luck, the police called last week to kindly inform me that they've figured out who broke into my house and are issuing an arrest warrant. Which is amazing, considering the success rate for cracking burglary cases is somewhere around 10% or less. Not that I expect to get my stuff back or anything silly like that. Okay, I like to believe that maybe he kept the TV. It was a nice TV. I would like the TV back.

Other than that I bought a book shelf (Ikea) and nice comfy chair to get my stuff organized and ready to start studying for the bar. 

For the past week I've been getting slaughtered regularly in Dwarf Fortress and putting games on the Playstation, but not actually playing them. I have number of games I've purchased over the years, off the bargain rack at GameStop or the used game rack at wherever, that I've never loaded up because I didn't have time to learn a new button pressing  scheme. 

But then bar prep starts soon. So I'm still not gonna have time to learn a new button pressing scheme.  Still, loading them up and seeing the start screens that one day I'll play gives me hope for the future. Okay, not really, but it's something to do.

My Cell Phone

My cell phone is broken. Well, not really broken, as it does makes calls..and texts, and pushes email. And lets me play the little word game on it. And the Google map is useful, it gives traffic updates! But the camera is broken, in that it has slid down in the housing and now half of all the pictures are black. Which is occasionally inconvenient. So I trundled over to the AT&T store to get a new one, because I have the insurance. I won't get the phone without the insurance. I've purchased two phones outright, because I didn't have the insurance, and they were expensive! So, I always get the insurance.

Only now, phone insurance has a deductible. Wait, what? My last phone had no deductible, what's this now? So the guy looks it up, and lo and behold guess what? The deductible is the same price as getting a new phone and starting a new plan.  Son of a...

I didn't take that many damn pictures no way.

Next

So what's Next? Like a lot of folks (due the economy), here I am halfway through the game hitting reset. I realize that there are no rules to life, there was no specific way that this was supposed to be done, but this makes me starting adding up the score in my head. And maybe I'm thinking of it in less than rosy terms because the things and events I had filled the space of my life with (life's little distractions) are gone because I stripped them all away in my effort to get to here. And now that I'm here, well, here is looking a) kinda empty and b) like like I'm in for a lot more work.

Maybe its that I've spent too many hours at my house alone staring at the walls, scared to go out because I might like it, then have to get unused to it quickly once this bar prep starts. Maybe its that I miss people, because the headcount in my house is one, and it doesn't look like its gonna increase anytime soon. I didn't realize how much I needed chicken plucking to keep me sane, and the people I worked with, as opposed to school and long bouts of studying alone, which may have started loosening the bolts on my psyche.  I may have to become a *gasp* coffee shop guy just to get some interaction. Or eat lunch out all the time.  Or something.

Barkeep. Let's extend your vacation. Because it feels like they outlawed hazing everywhere but law school. 

A Long Day

Today.....today shall be a long day. So let it begin.

Finals are..., one last time

Ramblings Post #191
I don't have anything to put here. I've been busy, trying to get everything lined up, trying to get everything finished off, trying to get to....what? So you wake up every morning, and get after it, because right this minute there isn't anything else to do. Wait, I think I wrote this story.

Finals are  realizing you haven't moved in a hour trying to let your brain find a foothold in the text of your own notes so that you can rewrite them for your answer. Then realizing that what you're looking at might not be the best answer, so you find something more applicable, and start the whole process over.  Again.

Finals are looking at what you've done like its disgusting because you know you can do better, then looking at the question again and realizing you've answered it and there is nothing else to say. And then wondering what you did wrong because what you wrote doesn't look all that impressive.

Finals are realizing you can't eat what you want, because lazy bleeds over, so you structure your meals like you structure your day, up early and straight to the computer to start the process of synthesizing what you've learned into what form they want you to show that you learned enough to make them think you've learned enough. Or at least enough to look like it.

Finals are  feeling in the pit of your stomach that you've forgotten something. Not the relatively annoying idea that you've left something on the counter and  haven't made it to the corner yet so you can turn around sensation, but the idea that you've forgotten to bring oxygen and you're on the moon. It happens to me after each exam, moments after every paper has left my hand, or the upload button has been pressed for the take homes. Five more minutes and I would have rewritten an  entire twenty pages.

Finals are looking at what's left and wondering where the rest of it is.

Finals are that same feeling you've been getting, only now if you stumble that's all she wrote. Only it turns out if you ever stumbled again, because you have stumbled before, that it was going to be all she wrote anyway. So this time is no different than every other time. But then that realization does absolutely nothing to lessen the tension of the moment.

Finals are, this time,  the "new question mark", because before when I finished my finals there were eventually just more finals to come, more measurements of my ability and ways to grade my legal growth. This time there will be nothing else of this kind to come my way. My new normal has run its course, and you realize that beyond that is the unknown. When you reach a goal you should have a new goal. It's the idea that 15 days ago I was working towards this moment, and 15 days from now where will I be?

Well, in this case, studying for the bar, but you get the idea. Then what?

Finals are the barkeep staying away for your own good. 

How to miss an Opportunity

Ramblings Post #190
I'm certain I've missed many opportunities in my life. I'm fairly certain my first kiss should have occurred long before it finally did. There are countless occasions where I'm certain had I simply not shrugged my shoulders I would richer and wiser. Had I taken that job offer in New York. Or called somebody back. Or simply said "I don't think we're just practicing anymore." They say live life with no regrets.  But I think if you live to the age you understand what regrets are, its already too late.


So today, my brother sends me an email. My email is pushed to my cell phone, so I know immediately, but because I'm paranoid I don't open it at that instant. And by paranoid, I mean I was in the car and had already seen two cars pulled over to the side of the road, and because the last time I got into a car and forgot to put my seat belt on just happened to be the day the officer pulled in behind me and noticed ....AND texting and driving is illegal, I decided to not check it right away.

Time: Right after eleven am.

I get to campus, roll upstairs to the classroom my 1pm is in and check to see what he's sent. It's a listing that a major firm is looking for in-house counsel, and the experience range is zero to two years. Wait, I have zero to two years! Well, closer to the zero, but I have so much other experience maybe I can make it translate. So, I break out the resume and start the process of making my other experiences sound like what they're looking for. I get interrupted by my classmates who also arrive early, and stop to discuss our last negotiation exercise...which raised some hackles during the process. Long discussion. But I only give that talk half my attention, and  I get the resume straight and ready about 5 minutes before class starts. 

Time: Just before one pm.

After that three hour class I go to the bookstore, get some notepads I've been needing for a while and head to the classroom for my class that starts at six, which is empty right about then. Thinking maybe they'll ask for a cover letter, I pull one of my previous ones up and spend roughly a half hour phrasing things to show me in the best light, highlighting how my previous non-legal experience fits into what they're looking for and expand on an item or two in the resume. You only get one chance to make a first impression, so I need to make it stick.

Time: Quarter till five.

I pull the link back up, create the obligatory log-in at said company's site so I can add my resume...and the listing is gone. I work sideways, searching through their entire database, then using the job listing number, then searching all legal jobs at the firm just to be sure, although that's really just a subset of the earlier search. Gone. They've stopped taking applications.

Just like that. Damn.

I have to be quicker the next time. Faster. Stronger. Not that getting the application in would guarantee me anything, but still, I'm fairly certain I would have gotten a second and third look. Yes, I'm just that good. Or at least that interesting.

Barkeep. Red Bull with bee pollen. I got to get it! 

You never thought it would happen

Dick Clark. Another legend from my youth passes on. The thing I found shocking is that he was only 82. I had the impression for the longest that he was knocking on the door to 100. Maybe a 150.

Wait, no Dick Clark? Does that mean no New Year? Were the Mayans right?

One more step

Ramblings Post #189
Sometimes its the nervous that makes it all go smooth. Because you're nervous, you check things again just make sure. Because you're nervous, you go over it in your head one more time. Because you're nervous, you begin to act out the movements, go through the motions repeatedly, even though you've got them down cold. And then you sometimes, you just have to smile and say whatever, let's just do this.

I had a pretty down cycle weekend. A lot of paperwork for a project that every time I looked at it, seemed to grow in size. Articles of Incorporation? Simple. Bylaws? A little more comprehensive. Prospective Resolutions? Since the data wasn't there I had to make a lot of assumptions, which meant covering possibilities I hadn't even thought of when I started typing.

Then today, I notice that my MPRE score popped up in my email. The MPRE is the Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination, an ethics test you have to pass to even have your application be considered for taking the bar.  It was literally something I hadn't even thought about in two weeks. I resolved to open it when I got home from my night class, with a drink in my hand.  It was one of those tests where you walk out going "what the hell was that?"

So, on break during my night class I went ahead and looked.

Bing! Passed it. With a fairly good score too...not just scraping by.   

One more hurdle down.

Barkeep. Drinks all around. And by drinks I mean water. I'm not rolling yet!