Friday, July 2, 2010

Tiger what have you done?

Ramblings Post #111
I've talked about Tiger Woods a lot, and this is yet another Tiger Woods post. I am at once shocked and surprised at this whole thing, and really really trying to wrap my head around the idea that the people who advise him get paid in real, not monopoly money. Apparently life really is more about who you know than what you know, in many, many instances.

Do pre-nuptial agreements not mean anything any more? I'm fairly certain the damn thing Tiger had her sign had a "if I ever cheat on you" clause, and if it didn't Tiger's lawyers need to call their lawyers, because that looks like pure malpractice, and I don't even know enough law to matter.

How much is your privacy worth?

$750 million?

Because according to some sources, that's how much Tiger is willing to pay his soon to be ex-wife to never speak about his affairs or life in any public forum. Which is in my professional learned semi-legal opinion, is in-fucking-sane.

Tiger needs new handlers, point blank. Early on they have apparently counseled him to protect the wife at all costs - she was brave and pulled him out of the SUV, she didn't hit him with the clubs, I have a sickness, it's all my fault etc, - and she is repaying his efforts by trying to fleece him. His handlers need to realize Tiger's marketable reputation is trashed. The endorsement money is gone and ain't coming back for a long, long time, if ever. The idea that lurid stories aren't going to float around for the next half century if you get ONLY the ex to promise to keep quiet is ludicrous. His handlers need to realize that his future earnings (which what presumably they are trying to protect) have been shattered, and what he really needs to do is work on keeping the money he has now. Somehow he's gonna have to get by on that mere billion dollars or so that he's already got for fifty years or so.

As a friend of mine put it, $750 million is "playing with little boys" money. As far as we know, no children were in involved, just skanks of varying persuasions, so... what ELSE is there to keep quiet about? That he's a slob? He's a cheater too. That he's egotistical? Um, Tiger Woods on the course, 'nuff said. That he made her dress up like chicken? Be happy he didn't make you dress up like a waitress. Does he have gay tendencies? You ain't the first to say it. He accidentally gave her something? We'd be shocked if he didn't. So what secret is worth that kinda loot?

Should have married a sista.

If she wants to write a book and give interviews and tell the worst about him, fine. His people need only remind her that no matter what happens, he's still her children's father, and that it will only hurt the kids in the long run. I'm not psychic, but unless she's crazy vindictive as all hell, that should put the brakes on the worst of it. Maybe. And chances are, in this day and age if somebody besides her knows this secret, the dirt is gonna leak anyway, so you're paying her for.... you lost me.

Look, yes Tiger was wrong (plus) hanging out like that, and yes, Elin deserves to have her life back, but their agreement prior to the marriage was if XYZ occurred, QRS would happen. Well XYZ occurred. Now you want to change the plan? Who are his lawyers? Who are his handlers?

But.... if she gets the money...Elin, baby, I know you been hurt, but what you need is a strong brother to help you spend the, take the pain away.

Barkeep, a whiskey and soda, and a roofie-colda.

[UPDATE] Well, it turns out "sources" were wrong and she's only got get a $100 million. Boo hoo. She is still getting five times the amount in the prenup. The kids won't go hungry, which was in the important part...but I don't anyone ever thought that was gonna happen.

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