Wednesday, March 3, 2010

And here we are...

Ramblings Post #89
I've noticed these are becoming more infrequent. Work is killing me - I know I should be happy I have a job, but existing as the working wounded is just not the lick - and school is coming to a tipping point. Let's hope I tip out on the right side. Life is funny, despite our best plans we don't really know where we are going to end up. All we can do is pick a direction and ride.

We're just passed the halfway point in this semester, and if I wasn't already on it, time is running out. For the first time one of my law professors has deigned to give a "midterm" and so, it's like a brain reset just when I was getting into the swing of the new methodology. What I'm really finding difficult is following the stream of thinking that calls not for memory but "figuration". My last writing exercise I interpreted the question wrong. Although my base reasons were on point, the missing of the underlying situation more than threw off my answers. Something I believe I've done in the past....good analysis of a bad premise. I got two months to work on that.

This weekend was an off and on affair of mental readiness. I veered between actual study, reading, sleeping and lying in bed wondering why I wasn't studying. I had told myself that if I got up and actually typed up the stuff for Thursday's class - well in advance - I would reward myself with an hour of PlayStation. And then, have got up and actually done the typing, I wasn't in the mood to play. Huh? I did the reading for Tuesday's class, talked the folks for hot second and then made some Jambalaya. I've just been so blah lately.

For a guy with nothing going on, I got too many things in flux.

Two weekends ago with Spanky may have something to with it. Out and about for the first time in ...weeks? a month? ... I was inundated with ...people. My current schedule has reduced my social circle to my co-workers, my classmates, and the local restaurant staffs where I stop for takeout because I don't want to cook. I know its bad because I'm starting to see the appeal of the man-looking gay chick in shipping. The one with the really bad attitude. Brother needs to get out.

Many years ago, when I got to college I made it a special point to be "involved" with the goings on around campus. I drifted from social group to social group in a regular rotation so I wouldn't "miss" anything, a futile attempt to make up for my younger years where I always felt left out. And now stretched so at a fairly demanding job, a direction of study that is fairly rigorous, and then well, that's kinda it. The depression that comes with lonely appears to making a comeback.

I need to knock some sense back into me.

I have seen the enemy, and he is us.

Barkeep...this ain't even funny no mo'.

1 comment:

brownsugatou said...

Wow... I can totally relate. Work alone (away from home 12 hours per day) forces me to be somewhat anti-social with no desire for anything outside of the front door sometimes. Great post!!