Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Quiet Words sound the loudest

Ramblings Post#5
In life it's not always the big things. Okay sometimes it is the big things, like winning the lottery or stuff like that, but other times it's not the big things. Okay, rarely it's not the big things. Okay, big things start from little things. I'm trying to make a point here, and that sometimes it's the teeny tiny stuff that kills you. I watch Monk when I can. Little stuff. Little.

I got trapped at a Superbowl party. I had been badgered for a week to come to Spanky's Superbowl function at her newly remodeled spot, that she was anxious to show off since it had taken so long. She asked me no less than five times over five days. So after reading my contracts homework and briefing out the cases, and being too scared to look at my legal writing markup - with good reason - I showered and headed over.

I hadn't planned on going anywhere, so no, I had not showered that day.

So I get there, say my hellos and what not, figure I will stay until halftime and breakout and either head home or find another spot. I'm not going to party caravan or journey, but a second spot always leads to diversity. Only by halftime I'm blocked in parking wise, and no less than 5 cars would have to move for me to leave. Not quite what I had planned. This would be the "trapped" concept I alluded to earlier.

I end up watching the rest of the game there, which isn't all bad, although I'm singularly unenthusiastic until the last five minutes. These last few Superbowls have been down to the wire, and I'm sure the competition committee is patting themselves on their collective backs. Good football despite the Steeler fans, who can be a little, um, overbearing.

Then it happens.

So I'm leaving, or trying to leave, or making my way out, however you want to describe it, and talking to a "friend" who is between jobs. I've been where I'm at a while and since she asked, I told her I would see what I could do. We may have a few quasi-openings and I can pass her resume around. No big, it's what folks do. I've been without a paycheck too. We all helps out, ya'know. So then she says, in what I hope was a joking sense, "if you can do this for me, I might have to take one for the team."

Ha Ha.

When did I suddenly get pathetic? That statement oddly resonated with me for the rest of the night even after I got home, into the next day and here we are now. Really bringing it home was just not that long ago I witnessed two women prepared to wait it out over a guy I pretty much consider my equal. Um, hello? Fairly decent guy here. What was I doing wrong? I know I could lose a few pounds and get a little workout on, I have flaw or two but damn..."one for the team," as though I have nothing to offer?

Yeah, it's still bothering me too. Right now.

Wish I had just caught the highlights on SportsCenter, and done my homework 'cause my legal writing markup I apparently CAN fix. I mean I'm older...oldish... fuck it, I'm old. If what I am now ain't good, what the hell? I mean dude, what the hell?

Barkeep. I think I'll take my one drink now.

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