Friday, October 22, 2010

I'm Not Who I say I am...Most of the Time.

Ramblings Post #145
I feel like ...well, sometimes I, Well. Dude, I just so want an ice cream sandwich about now, man you just do not know. But one would be a box in like 10 minutes. Ice cream sammich. Patience. Patience

Looking back at some of my former posts, one might get the impression that I'm a negative person. Okay, one might be convinced that I'm a negative person, because some of this stuff is less than happy. Some of it is downright depressing.

Right now, I'm at period in my life where a lot of things aren't working out quite the way I had planned, I got a lot of stuff going on and this blog was always supposed to be me screaming into the virtual darkness with my frustrations regarding my own personal reality.

But I've never been a quitter.

My Philosophy: Once you're committed, you have suit up and go out and play. Even in the fourth quarter, far behind and failing - you can't give up the struggle. Or at least I don't. It's why I get up and come to a job I lost respect for long ago, day in and day out. Sporty admonished me over and over for never taking my vacation, but I honorably told them I would do the job -- and since I had no backup, and try to take responsibility seriously, I did what I had to do. It's why a lot of times I'm lingering around far too long after a wiser man would have cut his losses and moved on. I don't lose...I run out of time.

There is an old southern saying, it goes..."I will meet you in the middle of the field with a broken bottle and chain. I might not win, but you will know you've been in a fight." When I look back at it, 95% of the time if I don't like something, I will do those things within my power to change that something. But I'm a very patient person by nature, and it just usually takes me a while to get from just complaining to actually really not liking something these days.

Don't like the job enough. Find another one. [I'm in school for this, otherwise I'dve been gone]
Don't like the spot I'm living. Start figuring out how I can get out of it. [ I'm looking at renting it out now]
Don't like the way I look, start working out or loosing weight or something. [see previous posts regarding "looking sexsay"]

I come off here a little dark, but if you were to meet me, I'm funny. Light hearted. I smile a lot although I'm gonna need dental work at some point. I'm generous. Helpful. These are hardly the actions of the man depicted in a lot of these posts. I don't guess I'm intentionally distorting who I am here, but let's just say I don't really feel the need to "celebrate" into the virtual darkness. That would not be good, not at all. I mean, I have real people I can talk to. Y'know?

A lot of what you read here are the echos in my mind. The self doubt and mental questions that make me want to get up and get better. Get better so I can make those echoes go away.

And it shall always, get better.

Barkeep, Knob Creek. And one cube of ice.

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