Thursday, September 30, 2010

Do you deserve....

Ramblings Post #139
I believe in a lot of things. I believe in love and warm summer afternoons spent with friends and a few libations. I believe in home cooked meals, holding hands and a comfortable pair of shoes. I believe that the force is real, fame is 95% luck, money doesn't buy happiness and most people are kind deep down. I also I figured out what not to believe in.

I've often told a girlbuddy [new term] when talking about affairs of the heart that they "deserve" someone good and who will care about them for them. But am I making a gross assumption? Do they really deserve someone good?

This idea comes about because, well, I read a lot at work, primarily because I don't have time anywhere else. And, the creative company internet blocking protocols mean whereas you can read Facebook and get Lindsey Lohan updates, other things termed "social media", games, sports or Armed Forces news are blocked, so half of being on the web is figuring out the logic of the idiots running the web server. Which is how I ended up on the website the Frisky. Don't ask. There, the advice lady had a letter from a woman who described herself as pretty, but in less than likable personality terms. Okay, evil terms. Then she indicated she knew that"she deserved someone good" in the end. The columnists first question, and rightly so, was a succinct: why the hell would you believe that?

Sadly, not all of us deserve someone good.

If ever there was a sense of entitlement that existed in the world, it's that we "deserve someone good" to be in our lives. Simply for breathing apparently. Think of all the unpleasant people you know, and ALL of them are waiting on that special person. They believe it. We believe it. I mean, we can be short sighted, selfish, mean, petty, materialistic and vindictive and still believe that someone "great" is just around the corner, and that they will overlook our shortcomings and it will all be magic! It is a subtle ego trip that that many of us indulge in, for far longer than we should. What are you really doing to deserve someone good?

Who among us hasn't said or thought "I deserve better" in the midst of distressed couplehood. When the reality, if you looked at it with a serious detachment, there was a whole other story. You were putting a robust 30% into the relationship (when you could find the time), or trying "win" the relationship or expecting someone to worship you. Everyone claims they're looking for a partner, but for a partner you have do something crazy like, sacrifice or occasionally put their needs ahead of your own.

The applicable saying is,"we judge others on their acts, but we grade ourselves on our intentions." They need to act, be great, and do those great things but we only need to mean to do them, and its the same thing. At least to us. I've already written about the wrong version of love most of us have come to believe should exist, the worship version, so I won't repeat it here. (apparently the worship thing will be another post, because I can't find it here)

But let me repeat this: We don't all deserve someone good.

I mean, if we're fucked up...and a lot of us are...does the good person deserve to have to deal with us and our drama?

So the question we need to ask ourselves, are we good enough to deserve someone good? What are our good tendencies? Are we really selfless, patient, kind and forgiving? Do we do good things because they need doing, not for a reward? Are we really good people, and not deluding ourselves? [ If you really want to find out, ask a close friend or somebody who hates you for a real opinion. You'll be surprised how close the two opinions are.]

I'd like to believe I deserve somebody good. I wonder if I'm right.

Barkeep, something to make the world a much friendly place. With ice and just a spritz of Sprite.

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