Thursday, September 9, 2010

Buying Time

Ramblings Post #134
I am not a role model. You can do what I do, but you aren't me, so even though I will be cheered for my actions, you will be vilified. I am not a role model. I am exceptional as a human being, but that is accident of genes, a poor social upbringing and a burning desire to craft myself into something better. If you attempt to emulate me, may I suggest you start with the Merlot. This opening piece has absolutely nothing to do with what follows, but something had to go here.

The other day I went to buy a new alarm clock. This is necessary because of several factors.

1) The alarm clock I currently own I've had for at least a decade, and as such the normally annoying alarm sound is no longer annoying and just another sound in my dream. It blends in.

2) I've learned to turn it off, or at least hit the snooze in my sleep. It matters not where it is in the room. Seriously.

3) My morning routine takes the better part of an hour and a half, so waking up late means everything else slides back, which means my schedule is ruined.

[ note: disregard my current habit of staying up until 2am after I finish my readings to watch some TV or look up useless crap on the internet. Although directly related, these issues are unimportant for the purposes of this discussion.]

So, with a few trusty bucks in hand I made the trip down to the Devil's Money, I mean Walmart, to place my offering up, sorry, to buy a new alarm clock. I figured they'd have a fairly large selection, and it couldn't be more than $20 for something that was a little different, and they were open at 2am on a Saturday morning.

There I made an interesting discovery.

Alarm clocks are so advanced now. They come with an automatic time setting radio controlled via the national atomic clock and can reset themselves for daylight savings time. They have a calender on the screen, play downloaded MP3s, and hook to your iPod, and with their remote sensor you can know the exterior vs the interior temperature. They are marvels of technology.

...If you get a battery operated one.

I wanted one that plugged into the wall. I mean, I'm already paying for that electricity, why not maximize? I mean the battery operated ones came with dimmers and the ability to play music to fall asleep to but switch to alarm for the wake up, so the plug in ones must come with holographic projectors to put the time on your bedroom wall, internet access and little toaster oven so you can warm up a hot pastry while still in bed.

With the plug in model you get a radio.

I must have stood there for twenty minutes trying to figure it out, but with a battery you can practically beam yourself to work, and with a get get a time machine to 1950. Not one of the fifteen or so alarm clocks I saw that had a plug did anything other than tell time. I thought for second maybe all the good ones had been purchased, but a careful study of the layout of the display [ i.e., looking at how they sat on the shelf ] hipped me the reality that this was it.

I am not amused.

I didn't get a clock that day. I'm going to check out Target or Kohl's or somebody else and make sure of my findings. Battery operated is great... until you run out of batteries. Sure my power could go out, but then that's POWER went out! That, and as the consumer I should be able to get what I want!

This would be the part where I curse.

Barkeep, gimme something that will make me forget what time it is.

No comments: