I started realizing I was old when home renovation magazines became as interesting as photos that formerly had held my attention since hormones hit when I was thirteen. Um, wait check that...since I was four or five. I suddenly remembered this thing I used to do with underwear catalogs. Don't get me wrong, I'm still interested in the same ole same ole...but let's just say I've added some levels of complexity. Damned maturity.
How do you know you're too old and too lonely?
When as a guy, you start to imagine getting married like it's a good thing.
Yes, I will admit, I have imagined my own nuptials, and no the bride is not in a mini-skirt, and no it does not take place in a bar with hot wings served between vows nor is the wedding gown formfitting around bride's ass....well, not obviously. It's not like I've planned anything elaborate, or even given the details any thought (and from my peoples that is married, I understand there are lots and lots of details), but I do know how I would like to feel. And yes, I've mentally put a person or two in that slot to see how it would work.
But I'm an old fashioned guy. I only plan to do it once, so the woman needs to be special. I'm not one for the apparently modern trend of "taking a shot" that seems to permeate our current national psyche regarding matrimony and keeps divorce lawyers driving Porsches. That and I realize now that I really want her to be my friend as much as a lover, as mathematically, no matter how much nudity I intend or wish, we'll still more than likely spend more time together with our clothes on than with them off. Thus, I'll need to like her, to talk to her, to be with her. And believe it or not, that liking doesn't always happen when you love someone (see my earlier comment involving divorce lawyers).
A woman friend of mine once told me that "there is the person you like, the person you love, and the person you lust after. And rarely do ever find them in the same person."
But as of late however, in my mind marriage is coming across more like the scene in the movie the Hangover, where I wake up missing a tooth, only the girl is still there and I'm not too sure she speaks English. Use your imagination.
Sad.
As I've said before, it's becoming clear to me that despite the charm, the wit, compassion, generosity, the style and beguiling nature that fate has blessed me with, to the modern black woman that only seems to count if it comes with a six pack and six figures. Both of which I am currently lacking. And even as the women of this modern age demand that men learn to love them no matter their size...they find no irony is turning the tables and requesting only man candy.
If I was studying to be a shaman holy man online...
In any case, I find it an odd thing to think about. I'm fairly certain I'm not the first man to admit this. Am I? I would like to think I shows a certain maturity and grace, that comes from being able to admit I have emotions other than sports anger, hungry, sex, gambling angry, dirty joke humor and filthy sex.
But looking at where I am now...and where I would like to be in five years...this mental construct might might the only wedding I get.
Do you have to be Jewish to have a Jewish Wedding? I'm just asking.
Barkeep...long flute of the champagne. Make it Korbel.
1 comment:
Wow you're being pretty open with it here and laying it all on the line. I know as a woman I supposed to have envisioned the wedding and picked out the wedding rings etc etc etc.....I was never one of those girls until recently. I really took a hard look at my life and said what the hell are you doing with this thing? It dawned on me that all those things I've been running from are the things that will probably make it complete. It's weird...could be age...not sure but I do applaud your honesty. Actually I think most people think about this stuff but are too scared to admit it.
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