Wednesday, June 10, 2009

New Lessons from the Obama Presidency

Internet Fodder Post #3
You ever see something on the internet while you're just browsing and have something to say about it, but realize that you don't have the vast forum that whoever you read has, so that you can put your word to the people's ear in such a like fashion? Well, I do. But I do have a forum, maybe not as vast or as neatly kept, and I'm going to spout off like the last person. Well, maybe not spout off, but at least say something....

The internet site has an interesting article on what Single Women could learn from Michelle Obama, asking the question would your average black woman today have even considered dating a guy who was, at that time, a broke big eared community organizer with a funny name.

Who knew? I mean..really?

It was as though they had unleashed the lions at the Roman Colosseum the comments were so thick with criticism.

"it's so sad to see silly black women like the author of this pathetic piece of so-called writing and, predictably, black men telling black women how flawed we are what we need to do to be appealing to black men, blah blah blah."

"Nonetheless, it seems that the most generous and underappreciated of all women are still getting blamed for the social ills of the world..."

"He was not hostile to black women, or color-struck. If he was raised by blacks, he'd share the contempt they all have for black women."

And that's just a quick sample from ten on the first page of the comments when I read (there were a lot reposts. People wanted to make sure they got heard!). The comments were so rife with defensiveness and animosity to the concept that maybe, just maybe, the black woman might be some of the cause of her own problems, that it struck me there might be a real problem. Logic says if the there is an issue and the only common denominator is you, then you must be the problem. Response after response asked why should the woman lower her standards instead of the man meeting those standards? Obviously something was wrong with the man, not the woman. And it continued...

The funnier part of this, in my opinion, is the article wasn't about lowering standards. The article as written was about even after a guy has met the basic standards of education, employment and some social standing, Type A women found the new hurdles and other grounds to reject him, from his lack of aggressive nature, or his lack of an appropriate car, or that he might like Star Trek, or his height, or that he drank hot chocolate instead of coffee.

The standard that the author, herself a Type A personality woman of color, had asked her sisters to reconsider was the grading between the A+ and B+. The responses she got seemed to cover the anger of the idea of giving everyone a passing grade for showing up. It's though they have an argument on deck, ready for the issue. People, reading is fundamental.

One of the reasons I'm on my health kick is the realization that although I have a sparkling wit and charming personality, a refined palate and adventurous soul, a generous and loving nature, am degreed, employed and attempting to better myself with a graduate education, as well as being unfailingly modest (ha!), it turns out all that means a lot less if you don't have six pack abs or good bit of personal "funding."

There I said it.

So the question isn't who is right and who is wrong in the this dance of the sexes. Both sides are flawed to some degree, and should admit it. And after that we all need to take the time to re-assess who we are and what we really do bring to the table. Remember the old proverb: You cannot reward a man with that which he does not value.

And yes, I'm sorry ladies, it means you might have to date the brother with the ashy toes. Who knows, he might be worth keeping a little bottle of lotion in your purse.

Barkeep...whatever, I'm tired of arguing this point.


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