Ramblings Post #149
Sometimes, I don't think I'm normal. I have the correct number of fingers and toes, nothing like that. But from time to tome I look at myself and how I do things, and at others and how they do things, and there is a disconnect. Am I only noticing my own disconnect for my personal issues? Does everyone have these same incongruities of life for other areas? If only life came with instructions. With diagrams. And a do over option.
Since I've been an adult, I've never really celebrated my birthday. Now don't get me wrong, I've been some epic parties around the time of my birthday, but those parties were never really for me. You see, as it turns out my RP were born two days apart, and when I first moved to Atlanta he'd already had a regular birthday festival going with another running partner of ours born five days before me. So my birthday just got added to the mix. A number of years passed with a great number of regular party goers never really realizing it was my birthday as well. No big, I had a good time too.
But nothing that was ever uniquely for me. No cake. No songs. Not a lot of presents. Etc.
This started really from being a summer child, living in a subdivision with no other kids. In effect my birthdays as a youth really drilled down to a gift and maybe a dinner with the family. College birthdays were usually a call from the folks (I went to summer school pretty much every year) and a drink or two with a buddy. Atlanta birthdays have been a whirlwind of other folks parties, although by tending bar I usually ended up with an unintentional present, I guess, a fairly large wad of cash. The last few birthdays have been marred by heartbreak and break-ins at the house.
Looking back at that, you can understand why I generally don't make that big a fuss.
This year's excuse is Summer School again, with finals for the shortened semester right around the corner. I call it an excuse, because Shade is going to be in town and is asking what the plan is when I have no plan. My plan was head home from work, eat dinner, have a drink, go to sleep. Maybe a little Playstation in there. The idea of riding around the city with the top down, hitting the clubs just doesn't appeal right now (we're expecting this feeling is a temporary condition).
What do I really want?
Well, first this assumes my AC is working by the end of the week, and that I have furniture, which I don't. But what I really want is a quiet dinner at home with some friends. The kind that ends with folks lazing about, talking about nothing and everything. Where secrets pop out, and truths are told. It's a vibe I used to get after a party was over, when all the stragglers were gone and all that was left was your people and the stories of the good time they just had. We don't live like that anymore. We just don't.
As a second choice, some consensual nudity with a female...er... "friend". Er, I know don't really celebrate my birthday, but I am still a GUY. Testosterone is testosterone. I'm touch with my feelings, and can look into my soul, but let's get realistic. Note: This wish also assumes the AC is working. I'm a guy, but practical.
So, what happens on my birthday? We shall see.
Probably not much.