Ramblings Post #185
I'm probably the most forward shy person you'd ever meet. I can be jovial, warm and friendly and it might months before you realize you know little about me other than my name and that I like brunch and sweet tea. I can be a fascinating conversationalist on a number of topics, none of which include myself. Yet, as in poker, there is always a tell. And me thinks I've found mine.
I wrote a quick little story the other day, which I posted on my FB account. The idea came to me in a blur, and over the course of the day, between my job and making notes for my upcoming "litigation exercise"...formerly referred to as the mock trial... I sewed together the little idea chunks into a quick little story about a guy in love over the course of a lifetime, held together by a single act of intimacy.
I put it up as a note, attached the names of some friends, and the rest is publishing history. Well, not really. Is putting it up on FB really publishing? Anyway, it was a nice little short, I got some positive responses, but it still could use a little polish.
But reading it again, looking for those ever present polishing points, I realize now that a lot of my stories have less than happy endings. Okay, sad endings. In my stories the guy never gets the girl. There is usually lots of love and emotion, but they always seem to come up short, the "happily ever after" appears to have eluded me. Not even the happily for a little while at least until the story ends endings. In one of my stories, the guy gets hit walking off the sidewalk after getting rejected, another it turns out after he dies he finds out the he was never supposed to have existed, and in another the guy and girl meet again in the twilight of their lives and he lets her go even though he's just going through the motions without her.
Me thinks me got a problem.
I like to think of myself a fairly happy person. Reasonably happy. I'm doing okay. A "make the best of the situation you're in" kinda guy. Flexible. Amenable. Resilient. I have a good time, I have good friends, I enjoy the challenge of law school (did I just write that?), and just like everyone else there is good and bad in my life but all in all I'm way ahead of the curve here. I think.
But ... then I use writing as an outlet for a lot of things I don't talk about. Is that I believe I'm never going to get the girl?
Admittedly, my romantic life has never turned out quite the way I figured. But in reality, whose has?
Wait, did I just write "never"? Never. That's a mighty long time.
My poetry always seems to mention hope and possibility.
Well, except for the dirty stuff. Er...more adult fare.
My novels are always over plotted and start good but lose their way.
My stories are sad little tales of woe.
Maybe I do have an issue.
Barkeep, I need some thinking alcohol.