Saturday, September 5, 2009

The Spanky Chronicles

Ramblings Post #56
I am for the most part an observer of people. To be a creative, someone who is creative, you have to be an observer of something. Something has to inspire you, move you, motivate you. What I do is see people. My brother once said a talent I have that few seem to possess is that I actually listen to people when they talk. Well, I don't just listen, I look too. And when you look...not just see, but LOOK... some things become real clear, real fast.

Spanky, my erstwhile female chum, had another of "why is this happening to me?" jags just recently. It was the regular roller coaster of fun and excitement that only someone who really needs a hug can provide. I'm not perfect, but my girl needs work.

Let me give you the background. Spanky is a few years younger than me, and apparently we went to school together, although undergrad was a bit an alcohol infused blur so I quite honestly don't remember her, although we know a bunch of the same folks. I moved to Atlanta sometime later and coming up to speed, about eight or nine years ago I ran into her at a party - I was trying to holla at her friend - and we've been row dogs ever since. She's bright and got money (engineering degree & engineering job) cute with a nice body (spent a little time modeling after college) and very social. She likes to get her Martha Stewart on from time to time, cooking and decorating and all in all is a fairly cool chick.

But she's called me in tears on more than a few occasions after Guy X has finally gone too far. She has a tendency to end up with guys who ask her to pay their rent, settle their debts, pay for their trips and buy them gifts. Not guys going through a rough patch or two, but losers. In my humble opinion, I'm starting to think her cute is working against her, in that she has a look that still gets the guy looking for the quick come up... to holla at her because she is a quick come up girl-wise. I mean after all she's working with a full package.

Art by Mosskat

So why haven't I hollered? The phrase "know too much" springs to mind.

But as I said, she's just a few years younger than me, so she too is approaching that threshold where your game HAS to change. Where the clubs all start to look the same, the faces are a lot younger than you remember, and everything just generally used to be better.

Side note - Everything really did used to be better. Really.

We have a really long Bberry instant message convo about how she just wants to change. We go though a list of her exes, some of the insanity they've asked of her, before she finally resigns herself to ending up with selfish guys for the rest of her life. Her resignation just irked me. She seemed to believe that since the guys approached her, it was ultimately their fault they were selfish or users in her life. I tried to explain to her that basic concept that she was complaining about her own draft picks, that she was complaining about the guys SHE CHOSE!!!. Lot's of guys are interested in her, the ones she goes out with are the ones she interested in. The idea that she had some choice in the matter did not occur to her.

What she really needs is a minor readjustment of her filter, i.e, what is it in a man that she looks for, that makes her want to go out with them.

I have an old theory that I may have shared on here before, but bears repeating (I'm almost too lazy to go look). The average woman tends to date the same man over and over again. He may have different names, and be different people, but its usually the same guy. In other words, whatever it was that attracted her to the first guy is the same thing that attracted her to the next and so on and so on. There is an unseen commonality.

Photo liberated from

I saw this in college with a young friend of mine ( I swear I've told this story before) who when she finally had the police called on her ( long story ) we sat down and looked at her track record. All her men had been same height, same build, dressed in the same style - and thus would have had common experiences and have common attitudes that all related to the break ups. It was easy for her to fashion a new archetype to look for, and get a fresh perspective on men. With Spanky it's not so clear, but there is some commonality, I'm sure of it. A brief look at her history suggests to me she find a man with a regular job instead of the entrepreneurs and men still chasing young boy dreams she's seems to end up with. I'm certain there are more characteristics but I'm not looking that hard.

Listen me, like I'm some kind of healer or shaman. No, I don't know everything, but I've seen this a time or two. And I know usually what the problem is. You can't keep eating the shellfish once you've found out you're allergic, then ask yourself why you keep getting sick. It's illogical.

The problem, as par usual with a cute chick, is she'll meet the next guy next week and all will be right with the world, until he screws the pooch. Then we're right back here again.

Barkeep, just lemme have some of that brown liquor in the back.

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