Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Office Moguls Strike Back!

Ramblings Post #44
Less than 48 hours ago I thought the madness was over. Oh how wrong I was. To fully articulate the foolishness, I've had to give the Moguls, that lovable trio of office rogues, delineations and designations to keep the comedy clear. One only hopes that one day, when I quit this gig to move on to law, I can find a rationale reason to post their pics so you can see of what I speak.

I was wrong. The band of office investors have not realized that Wall Street is like Vegas, no matter how good a player you think you are, the house always the best game in town is to be the house. They haven't wised up, learned or gone broke; they were merely looking for a new game to play.

Today Naive Mogul was ten feet away from me, trying to explain to Daddy Mogul how stock options work. Which is a really funny conversation when you consider that Naive Mogul, who got the money from his daddy to invest, is talking to Daddy Mogul who is actually investing his own real money. And Naive Mogul is making it sound like he's discovered a new trick that nobody else knows about. He's been reading up on options online, well one site really, all morning.

ALL morning. And this guy is a manager. (With work, work interruptions, and editing it took me 4.5 hours to write this piece. He's been back twice already, one time to "hide.")

The only real way to win with options is to get them for free, a'la as part of a compensation package. I know that sounds odd, but since options are really bet, the idea that they paid you with a bet sounds even odder. So options handed out in most compensation packages - in which the company loans you the money to buy them - are free. I know this because I went to undergrad for business, studied this and other financial situations, read up on finance regularly (because I love to read and it is an interesting subject) and generally stay aware of my surroundings. The vast majority of NM's stories start with the phrase "I was at this bar..."

Naive Mogul will tell you he is as good as anyone on this trading floor
Trading Floor - UBS Investments Sec. - in Connecticut.

From what I could overhear of this conversation, and it's not like Naive Mogul is whispering, I know he doesn't understand the intricacies or even really the nature of what he's proposing to do. He's heard somebody made money doing it, so he's in. He's read a quick internet summary of the basic concept and now he's a veteran. His short term memory, in that he heard people had made a whole bunch of money investing and when he tried he didn't do so hot, that has evaporated like the fog in the sun shine's glow. In a sense I envy that unabashed confidence.

For every guy that makes a mint doing something, there are a thousand who bet the farm and lost. And I don't think anyone of these guys ever met a guy who no longer has cows.

Naive Mogul leads the charge, followed by Daddy Mogul, who has a kid to consider before he starts tossing money down this hole. And before long, Chatty Mogul ...the one who just bought the house...will take what's left of his meager fortune and find a way to throw a few bucks into the dark abyss as well.

Chatty Mogul is naturally, the talker. With only the slightest provocation, he'll tell you any story you want to hear. Want to hear his investment strategy? Want the latest stock tip? Want to hear about his house? About his Prius? About his new product design for something nobody needs? About how he got back a crown he accidentally swallowed? His political views? His new diet? [That last one is a bit of joke, as CM resembles an overstuffed man made of dough and I once witnessed him eat 50 wings in one sitting. To the bone.] His need for a dog? His medical issues? Just stop in the vicinity of his desk for for 30 seconds and wait.

Which makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong, because I don't have loot like this to toss around. The moguls "invest" thousands. Two guys in the other adjacent department bought the new Iphones outright, at $700, even though they already had working Iphones...THAT STILL WORKED. Did I miss something? Guys investing, guys throwing loot at super phones, vacations in really think I missed something.

But I'm not stupid. I just missed it.

Barkeep. Ice Water. I'm not taking no chances around these fools.

1 comment:

Chaotically Calm said...

It always makes me wonder as well if I missed something during school or at a bar as to why I am not one of these Moguls. On the flip side I don't want to be one of those Moguls I just wanna be secure and happy.....