Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Doctor is IN

Ramblings Post #27
When you need I need to be focused sometimes I take my eyes of the ball, because first I can and second because life is usually more than one thing. The trick to life is balance, understanding, lots o' cash and apparently six pack abs. I have the first two, I'm working on the other. Really, I am. So what's new in the zoo? Balance..

When I was first considering what I was going to do with the rest of my life, back when I was 17 and the world was too big for me to fully comprehend, or see, or really even get a decent grasp on, I truly considered the position of psychologist or what we would call today a therapist. I still remember that statement one of my extremely vigilant friends made when I was in high school, my problem he told me was that I gave a damn.

I still do.

I once had a woman I was seriously interested in reject me because I "come off like a friend or a buddy", indicating that my actual interest in her as a person seemed to be a big turnoff. Which begets the question, why do women get mad when men treat them like objects, when they don't appreciate men who treat them like people? But I digress. That's a whole other post. But I genuinely like people, so what can I do? And yes, I realize had I actually called some of those numbers I've cavalierly tossed due to my ego (or laziness) I might not be in this predicament.

C'est la vie.

Just because you're playing doesn't mean everyone else is...

What I really am is lonely. Sporty and converse regularly, but she's four states away and I need the intimacy that comes from actually being around a person. Not necessarily the physical (okay, the physical too) but more the quiet moments and "shared air" if you will. I checked on FB and since my love language is time and attention (Quality Time), the whole shared air thing fits. And school has had me hemmed up to the possibility of even hanging out with anyone. So my dance card isn't only empty, I'm not even sure where it is. Or if I want to pick it up if I find it.

I guess what really brought this on is that Schmoopy, who just decided to end something is already into something else with a new guy. As an unlicensed untrained buddy therapist and bartender, she consults me when she gets relationship frustrated, which generally happens when everything isn't easy or magical...which as I understand it is never. She's a bright girl, and since my therapy is usually listening to them work it out on their own, or gently suggesting the answer is "within"...she'll figure it out.

I say them because Spanky, Serve, Slim and many others have utilized my unadvertised, unpaid service. Life is funny. And I'm going to school to be a lawyer...

I guess I'm a little envious of ability of the fairer sex to have so many options that in reality the frustrations come down to making your pick work, as opposed to trying to get picked. It's the difference between a coach trying to make a play work...and regardless there is a game on Sunday, and a player trying to get drafted. (Sharperson method). It's the difference between knowing and hoping. The difference between getting a check on Friday and hoping to hit on fantasy five. But then I guess I'm gonna be envious for a long time, cause I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Oh yeah, let me get back to studying for this FINAL. That's what I'm supposed to be doing.

Barkeep, ice water with a squeeze of the lemon and some B12. Man I'm tired.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I doubt all your problems with women have to do with 'being a buddy.' As a woman, we wouldn't make it past two dates, I fear. You are still wayyyyy too hung up on your former lover and that doesn't leave room for someone new in that 'shared air'- three's a crowd. When you get over Sporty, you'll be surprised what lies ahead. Lonely isn't one of them.