Rehab post #4 .
This was supposed to be my birthday post or end of June post, but if you read me then you know I was a little sidetracked around that time. But these items still hold true, so truths they would be then. That and good whiskey. The foundations of a good soul.
I'm getting old. Older. Let me put it this way, I've considered coloring my hair back to all black. It's gotten more than a little salt and peppery, and although I've had gray hair since I was 22 and women keep saying it's looks good or even distinguished, they're still not slavering away to get this man-candy.
Yeah, I said it. No soup for you!
I'm a nice guy, witty, thoughtful and personable. I'm in reasonably good shape, not bad looking, make decent money, and am generally open minded. I entertain well (understatement), could be a bit more aggresive and don't mind trying new things. And single like a mofo.
But lately I've been thinking. Maybe it's the bumps I hear in the dead of the night, the occasional twinge I feel in parts of my body that shouldn't be twinging, the current state of my relationships, but in the end I've been thinking and have divined some simple concepts....
1. We can't be naked all the time.
As I've gotten older, I've come realize that my mate really needs to be someone I like, not just someone who turns me on. We're going to spend a whole lot more time together clothed than we ever will naked...not that I don't intend to maximize that naked time, know that... so this other person needs to be someone I can actually talk to, joke around with and share with, not just the person who makes me think nasty thoughts in their prescence. I mean that's nice, but that strikes me more as infatuation/lust than love. I need that and more. More like someone who counts on me, cares about me and makes me want to be better so I don't disappoint them.
2. We change.
When I was a kid, I didn't eat pizza. My parents had to stop and get me a burger if the family had a pizza night. Now I eat pizza all the time. Three years ago I didn't eat indian food. Now I miss the quick sear of heat on my tongue if a while goes by and I haven't had any. I'm not the same me I was five years ago, and that's not a good or bad thing...it simply is. My tastes have changed, my dreams have changed, my plans have changed, and if I'm lucky they'll keep on changing. Everybody changes. If you still have the same goals now you had five years ago, then it's time to move your finish line.
3. It doesn't matter.
Quite a few years ago I simplified my life. No credit cards, no gadgets, simple car, simple clothes. I created some credit difficulties stemming from excess in my youth, oh so long ago, so partially out of a new way of thinking and partially because I didn't have any other choice, I cut it all back to what I could pay cash for, except for the big ticket items which means 90% of the time. What I discovered was that life could be simple if we made it that way. A lot of the concerns we have that are tied to what other people think about what we have or own. By removing a great deal of clutter from life, I didn't lose friends or stop eating out at nice restaurants or have to start shopping at goodwill. Life was still okay. I was able to cultivate new pleasures. I changed. So none of the things I thought were important really mattered.
4. It all matters
There are a lot of little things I overlook. Have a mildly obsessive personality but I strive to be a big picture guy, so there are gaps. As such I've realized that 90-95% of things that happen to me are my fault. In most of our lives, and particularly my life, one things leads to another, each little thing snowballs. I stayed up watching TV last night, so I woke up late to take a quick shower so then I forgot the lunch in the fridge because I was rushing and that's why I'm spending $7 bucks for lunch and smell like dirty shirt because ...it all matters. It's not always bad stuff, it's good stuff too, but it goes back to some small thing you did that led to something else and so on. I've started focusing on little things now, making sure I did X and took care of Y because it's things like that come back to haunt you or bless you. It all matters. You probably shouldn't have had that snack anyway.
5. Things don't go as planned.
One of my favorite commercials starts with a black and white image of a little kid who states clearly, "When I grow up, I want to work my way into middle management!" Hardly a the dream of many, although this was a satirical look at job hunting, it spoke volumes to me. Sometimes life isn't going to work out quite like we figured. I'm not going to suggest we simply accept that, it's is our struggle making our dreams reality that makes the world better. But realizing that things don't always work out does make it easier to cope with failed plans, easier to regroup after a failure. It really wasn't my plan to blogging on the internet about whatever, middle aged, and in the "middle class". Let's just say that my plans included Halle's ankles next to her ears (or for the past few years Sporty's) and plane trips and Rio and Greek islands and, well ...you know where that's going. I intended to be someplace else, and that's not to say I won't get there, I'm just saying by the plan I should have been there already. And that it's not the end of the world.
Okay, Sporty's leaving seems like the end of the world. AND that's as close to end as I want to get.
On the issue of Sporty...although this wasn't supposed to go here, I'm always going to love her. Always. My goal is to make it so that only two people know...well, besides you lot (shhh! it's a secret)...and that would be me and her. A lifetime Oscar-worthy performance. Wish me luck.
Barkeep. Bookers. A friend of mine said it was the shiznit.