Thursday, July 31, 2008

The mental needs a refit

This is a Vent Post!
This might have been a mental rehab post, but it's really just me yelling into the electronic darkness because I'm not really looking for an answer, I'm just talking to myself until I'm tired of listening to me. There are no answers here...and in this case I don't think I'm even trying to find some.

Okay...I realized last night after my second night of hanging out with pseudo cousin (don't ask) that maybe, just maybe...okay, definitely...I got issues that will eventually need real therapy.

First, I finished my law school prep class. That's right, I've decided at the ripe old age of too damn old that I'm going to sacrifice a lot of free time and the rest of my personal sanity and go back to school. Most of my friends are attorneys so it's like I'll just be joining the club. Shortly I start at GSU on the path to a few years of too much gut and scut work. Yay me! Well, at least the folks will be happy.

Okay, now back to my issue. I mean it's more than a passing thought, it's like I have to stop myself in the store from picking stuff up. I'm trying to figure out what's on my mind here, like what the fuck am I doing? Part of it was riding over to my pseudo cousin's spot and thinking "we need to go see what's good in there" as I passed a funky new restaurant when there is no we anymore. I mean in theory, this is someone else's job now. So why am I now mentally planning out what to get Sporty for her birthday?

Well, I already got like part of it.. so, it's not like it would be complete if I left out the rest. The date is a month and a half away. I'm planning things. Considering items. Um, problem? Yep, got one.

A little history. A few years ago at Christmas time, the first holiday season after she and I had started hanging out, I'd given her a gift bag of a whole bunch of stuff (she's hard to shop for) and she'd been delighted. So one night she calls me at home and asks my shoe size. She wants to buy me shoes for Christmas. Nice shoes. Okay, at the time I didn't know they were nice shoes, but they were really nice, fairly expensive shoes. And I told her not to get them.

Oh, for a time machine.

Not one of my better decisions. Turn in my playa card kinda bad. One of my great regrets.

Some say you shouldn't dwell on these things. I say you should learn from past mistakes, so you don't make them again. Some would ask why I'm putting my business out in the street. It's this or things get ugly, gotta let it all out somewhere and your modern day single black man has few options to vent without getting ostracized. Should have taken the shoes.

So, will I be getting the girl something for her birthday. Yes. Is it foolish of me to do so? Possibly. Do I really care? No.

So let it be written, so let it be...ooooh, pie.


A friend across the seas said...

Coming from a person who only knows you a little and the other person not at all, and asking as a girl, I have a question. Did she get you anything for your birthday? If not, I think you may want to reconsider giving her a birthday gift. Not as a cruel intention it just seems like you need to give the situation a little space until you're not so emotionally connected. An elaborate birthday gift could be a bit uncomfortable for both. Other than that...aint no shame in a black man getting a bit of counseling or professional support. Life delivers a few blows..that's when it's time to turn to the professionals for a little advice and support. After that maybe you need a rebound hangin buddy?

M. said...

Now quite sure how "venting" works, eh?

Although it sounds well thought out and is actually an intelligent answer, I'm not looking for anything that smacks of wise or learned. This is a viscerally emotional time, and so all you've done is muddy the water. Which may have been a good thing. I dunno.

Thanks in any case.

Jane said...

advice: I wouldn't recommend getting her something too elaborate beign that she's moved on. mail her a bday card, that should suffice.
I think you need to return what you're plannign on getting her, and instead buy yourself something nice...take care of you.