Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The End of the World as We Know it

It only took six months for my hopes and dreams to unravel. From November 2007 to May 2008 I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the words that mean the end has come from Sporty. It's been a wonderful ride. I had hoped it would last forever, but then nothing ever does.

It's moments like this that I wonder what God has in store for me, what my purpose is. Sometimes it feels like my existence is a doodle in the margins of his creation, and I'm not connected and never will be.

I feel empty and drained. Last night over the three hours Sporty and I hung out, dinner downtown and then dessert in Buckhead I wanted to tell her so much and say so many things and magically change reality, And then the movie would end with tears and promises and all that we'd live happily ever after. But this isn't a movie, the popcorn isn't fresh and gas is almost $4 a gallon. What I was ... was all cryptic and stoic and basically trying to not start crying, because apparently I'm even bad comedy relief in the film that is my life. I could have thrown it all there, pour my feelings and my heart out to her, but for what? It's not going to change anything. I'm still going to be alone again.

But then I'm not sure I ever stopped being alone.

You know....I could have sworn this blog was supposed to be funny. As it is it's turned into a online therapy session and restaurant review with the occasional odd quote and weird blog entry thrown in for variety's sake. Where are the funny stories? Where the tales of snaking through clubs and mornings spent coercing young misses to get naked hours after meeting them? The alcohol soaked memoirs of college nights and coed days? Witty political dialogue? Funny observations about life? Where is the fun? What happened?

I think I got old.
I think it's all getting old.
I think I just don't want to play anymore.

I mean If I'm so great, how come nobody I want to be with wants to be with me?

Barkeep. Can we just talk for a while?

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