The Burger Review

In a desperate effort to lighten my mood, and turn the tide from a pity party over Sporty that I seem to be falling into, I will now attempt to move on to lighter fare, something a little funny.




I like a good hamburger. Not a cheeseburger, or bacon cheeseburger or anything jalapeños or served with slaw or an egg or anything like that, but a good old fashioned bread - ketchup - mustard - beef - bread style hamburger. (Okay, I put fries on it too, but that's a separate issue.) If you go in most fast food restaurants you have to ask to they just serve a plain hamburger the menu is so chock full of "other" items to give you the full range of choice.

I don't need choice however. I need a hamburger.

A well made hamburger is a thing of beauty. I had one the other day at a cookout that had green and red chili's cut up in it with onions, just like you had when you were a kid. But then I don't like those hamburgers. I'll end up giving them my kids (provided I ever have any) so they can have the experience, but well made hamburger is just well formed meat. It's juicy without being overly greasy. It's got a texture that doesn't make chewing it a chore. The bread needs to be a bun, seeded, that's warm and soft.

You'd be surprised how few places make this burger.

With the advent of "toppings" the basic taste at the beginning, the burger, is washed away. So caught up with the other flavors you begin to wonder that if you took the burger part away would anyone notice. It's kinda like being able to appreciate the subtle taste of vanilla, which makes the rest seem like dressing up nothing.

Some notes....

Wendy's
A fairly decent burger. It's a little too greasy and a good mouthful goes down almost too easy, with only a mild beef taste. They make up for it with fries.

Burger King
The whopper, which if you stand there and actually watch them make you would hesitate at eating, it the most burger tasting of the "cheap" burgers, although $3 for a sandwich isn't exactly cheap. They need to work on their fries, which vary between edible and horrible.

McDonalds
You don't really expect a review here did you? Did you read my previous post on McDonalds?

Fatburger
I like the burger, but it's not juicy enough. I like the fries, which are clean and crisp. I don't really like the bun. Watching them make it makes me less hungry.

Five Guys
I don't know who these five guys are, but shole do know how to make a burger. Two patties on one bun as the basic, juicy but not greasy, bun is warm...the fries are hand cut! Now I want one. Damn.

Hardees
I used to eat Hardees as a kid. Loved it. I actually preferred their fried chicken to KFC. They they invented the Thickburger. And the quite frankly the thickburger ain't worth shit.

The Varsity
I understand the Varsity is and Atlanta institution and speaking badly of it may have me up on charges. That said I will never eat from there again if I can help it. The fries are good when hot though.

Checkers
There is a reason the place is a drive thru. Because if you could go back and reach across the counter and smack the people who made this sorry excuse for a burger you would. And take note, not everybody likes seasoned fries!

Wing Factory
Oddly this place I love for the wings makes a pretty good burger. It was almost astonishing when I got it. And Double Bonus - The fries are crinkle cut!

Fuddruckers
I used to dream of Fuddruckers, then I starting working at a place where one is down the street. I don't dream that dream no more. I mean the meat is still good..but he bun...and the sorry, and do mean sorry fries. Come on...for the loot I'm spending here! Geez.


That's the quick roundup...a few other places around here - Backyard Burger, Zestos, the Vortex - I really don't go to often enough to get a good feel, so rather than be biased I'm leaving them out.

Barkeep - Can I get a Vanilla Shake? No, seriously.