Saturday, April 18, 2009

Bad Friday

Ramblings Post #23
Sometimes things don't go as planned. Which has been happening an awful damn lot lately. I'm of the impression that something in the grand karma of the world has gone awry. Life is strange, and not always in the ha-ha funny sort of way. I'm starting to get a little tired of being introspective.

Last week was Good Friday, since then things have been less than cool.

On Sunday afternoon after Easter services, there was a horrific car accident in South Atlanta, where five people died on their way home from Church. I got a call at 1 AM from someone who rarely calls, which I didn't see until the morning as my phone is permanently on vibrate. It turns out that I knew the people that died. The whole family - the husband and wife I knew well.

It's only when someone leaves --- permanently --- that how many folks who knew them is actually visible, at least in my age group. The victim in this case was my age, a person who had many times invited me into his home, whom I'd drank with and hung out with and generally could have been me...had I been a bit more successful and been smart enough to marry one of those women who asked me. I knew his wife as well, and so the double barreled shock has been the topic of my Facebook circle all week.

It's moments like this where you ask yourself, have I done enough with my life? I've been having a lot of these self reflection moments lately.

Then I walk in this Friday and the first question I get is, "do you know what's happening?" I mean like before I even turn on my computer.

It turns out today was Bad Friday, as my company finally did what the rest of corporate America has been doing for months and months: making personnel reductions. People who had worked here for years got the axe, and folks who just started a few weeks ago are still here simply by virtue of the department they worked in. One of the military vets compared our reactions to battlefield survivors talking about who got hit.

We got the informal meeting with our department heads then we got the talk on a conference call from the CEO and for most of the day it's been a series of quiet conversations. That some managers had been distancing themselves from the normal camaraderie of the office suddenly became obvious in retrospect. Other little signs became evident when you looked back.

It's about to sure enough wreak havoc on the company basketball league.

Sitting on the inside looking out, it's a odd feeling. I'm happy that I'm still going to be able to continue with my plans. But the the girl downstairs I used to assist with her graduate homework and has the 5 year old who looks 12 ... or a long time co-worker who I was joking with yesterday about his having gone to Gem Sweater concert... it looks like some of the illusion of certainty about their future they had is gone.

And it doesn't feel all that great to still have mine.

Barkeep. Whatever you got.

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