Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Office Moguls - Part 3

Ramblings Post #16
Sometimes you can only feel that you've done something wrong because karma treats you so bad. You know that feeling, when suddenly that trip you've planned coincides with a sudden downturn in cash and you get the runs, you know, somebody somewhere really is trying to tell you stay home and suffer. Well, I'm starting to wonder what I did wrong. Not that I have the runs mind you..

Somebody is buying a house. I know because I've been listening to him buy a house since his sister bought out the other half of the land from him. Let's consider how many months ago that was.

I again wonder what his job is, exactly how he manages each week not to get fired. The office mogul who sits a row over from me has been buying a house for ...let's see, how long has it been now, because seems like EVER. Now, If he were willing to pay for it, this might have only taken a few weeks, but this was man who swore he could beat the stock market, and is still trying, so house buying has become an ordeal for the rest of us.

I guesstimate he's spent two or three grand in inspection fees looking at houses. He spends hours and I mean hours looking for homes on the internet, crowing about his new find each week until those damned sellers won't want to take his money.

Okay, he usually underbids the asking price by several thousand dollars (as much as twenty five thousand), and after the inspection usually wants to lower his bid even further based on what he finds, on properties already in foreclosure and in dire need of repair. He rationalizes that he's offering cash, so they should be willing to jump at his offer. I asked him - unwisely as it usually segues into a half hour of his magic master plan - if he considers that the sellers of the properties he's obsessed with occasionally can't go down any further, having hit what they owe minus fees. Nope, he proudly announced, hadn't crossed his mind. Not his problem.

He's been frustrated by the auctions because other bid on HIS house, upset with realtors, doesn't like that he needs an agent when all he wants to do is look at a house, mad that when he finally gets something he likes the realtor seems a little annoyed by his twenty third call that day. He's mad that nobody wants to listen to his proposals for how if they just do this, then he can do that or how the lenders don't believe what he believes for value. He seems to believe that a) CASH is king and b) everybody should be willing to cut him a deal. I hear him ten times a day, "Well, I'm offering cash..."

He really wants the house where the wall is falling down. Or the one where they've stripped out the kitchen counters and painted fairies on the walls. Or for the double wide trailer no one has the title to. Or my new favorite, the one with the active sinkhole in the middle of the living room (his plan for that appears to involve the current owner giving him permission to possibly destroy the house but not hold him responsible, genius!).

Forget the homes where a little paint will make it livable, or some yard work and TLC and the house looks new again. He seems to enjoy the spots where he would have to fill in the eroding foundation. Well, it is his money. To each his own.

The problem is that he conducts all his business on company time. Six calls to the realtor, two calls his agent, five calls to the seller, and this is before he's even made a bid! And sitting a row away, I hear all of it. The people on his row I pray for, as they sit in a ringside seat to idle chatter hell.

Karma, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for anything I may have said or done...

I'm scared that once he buys something...okay, I'm not scared I know this, he's gonna teach himself to hang dry wall so he can fix it up.

Heaven help him.

Barkeep...something to keep me from laughing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Have you thought about taping these calls and then anonymously playing them back in the bosses office??? Maybe an mp3 player taped to the bottom of the bosses chair.......