Sunday, March 29, 2009

Is Nothing Sacred?

Ramblings Post #20
There are days when I'm certain I'm dreaming, that what is occurring around me has to be some sort of insanity my mind has cooked up. The things I'm seeing and hearing almost certainly can't be actually happening. But as in this case, most times it turns out that I'm wrong.

I am disgusted.

Sean Penn as Larry Fine? Maybe. Bencio Del Toro as Moe Howard? Will they be serving drinks in the theater? But seriously, what kinda drugs are they taking in Hollywood to even imagine Jim Carrey as Curly? Not Curly Joe, but Curly! Maybe Carrey as Shemp, but not in any way shape or form can he be the master of disaster, the Stooge extraordinaire. Don't get me wrong though, I liked Shemp too.

But there are some things that need to be left alone.

Curly, Moe and Larry
Quite possibly some of greatest comic actors ever

You don't repaint the Mona Lisa. You wouldn't try to rebuild Camelot. The secret to the Maxie Burger is lost to us forever.

And you don't try to remake the Stooges. My understanding is that the film currently on the boards isn't a even a biopic, but a re-imagining of the trio under modern circumstances. Are you fookaying kidding me? Is nothing in Hollywood sacred? If we've gotten to the point where somebody thinks it's a good idea to make what I expect to be only a sad attempt to recreate the magic of the Three Stooges - especially in today's potty humor, pop culture reference comedy, anti-violence environment. In what world are they hoping to pull off this minor miracle? Part of what made the very idea of who they were work is that they were just this side of living cartoons in a world with a whole lot of gray area to operate.

I'm a guy. I love the Stooges. I'm technically part of this film's target demographic. And I hate the very idea of what they're doing. Will somebody take the hint?

If we've gotten to the point where we've stopped remaking that which should be remade and started trying to recreate classics...they're trying to remake the Karate Kid, the Last Dragon, and those travesties that were the Bionic Woman, Knight Rider and Terminator...(wait, is that last one still on?) ... what we might need a bailout in Hollywood, damn Wall Street. Are they really this artistically bankrupt?

I understand the economics of Hollywood too, everybody is looking for the surefire, ace in the hole, guaranteed winner every time with all these millions on the line and with the built in appeal of the Stooges you have to figure it's a lock. But that remake of Planet of the Apes was just sad. And Speed Racer was lock too, but after they destroyed it with...well, you know. At least John Goodman got work. He was in that right?

If you're gonna remake a film, take a piece of barely remembered crap and I don't know, work some of that movie magic. Remake Leonard Part 6, I mean, could you do worse than the original? Or Half Past Dead, that critical darling. I mean the remake rights have to be going for $3 and a promise NOT to spell the original creators names correctly. I understand if you agree to remake BioDome, Pauly Shore will cut your grass for a month.

I cannot be the only one seeing the insanity here. Leave my childhood alone! don't even know what I want to drink.

1 comment:

Carson F. Ball said...

Wow. I hadn't heard that the movie industry is planning on ruining The Three Stooges.

I think a little piece of me just died.