Friday, February 1, 2008

Maybe I should move

Lately, I've noticed an odd trend. I've always know about this, but only in the past year or so have I really seen it less an isolated occurance and become more common.

The long distance relationship.

There are currently three women I know seeing men in other states. Men whom they communicate with regularly via the web or cell phone, but whom they only see occasionally. Not married women and this is a job thing, not continuing situations where one had to move, but this is the arrangement from the beginning. I find this disturbing.

- it creates a faux relationship. Both parties need not give up any significant part of their lives, only the periodic weekend or week during which all is bliss. A real relationship is like a road trip, you're exposed to the other party warts and all and have to decide if you're willing to put up with this for the duration, which in a relationship is ..well, forever. This kind of relationship usually fails as soon as both parties are in the same location for as long as it takes to be themselves.

- it indicates that we as a society are detaching ourselves. A long distance situation can be scheduled, or at least managed but the life outside our door usually cannot. This is a large part of the reason these situations breakdown in close quarters. They cease to be manageable.

- And what's so wrong with him that he can't find a girl locally?

I use the phrase he, because I know all the women and haven't met the men. One could just as quickly ask the question "what's wrong with her?", but there are things that women do that we are okay, that men doing the same look highly suspect - such as traveling alone, going to the bathroom in groups, and evaluating each other's bodies.

A brief discussion with some co-workers indicated to me I wasn't alone in my thinking, except that they framed the conversation along the lines of "woman trying to get played."He's a bit less of an optimist than I am. I could and can see a relationship that existed, then due to circumstances (work, family situations) distance was created...but to start a relationship with someone distant, from the beginning? Huh?

Maybe I'm just behind the times, or getting old, but going out with somebody I can actually see, talk to and feel on a regular basis is fairly important to me. I guess those who have gone this route have the advantage of webcams and unlimited cell minutes after 7pm to help them along, but there are somethings you can't substitute. Neuroscientists say the brain needs and expects body language, facial expression and tone of voice during conversation, or communication skills suffer long term. And G-mail, long phone calls, and texting ain't gonna fill that void.

Have we become so wrapped in our own lives, so selfish, that the idea of actually letting go and living has us searching out alternatives?

Or maybe I'm just mad cause Sporty is one these folks. What am I? Chopped liver? juice with a straw.

1 comment:

lady tee said...

As the self proclaimed long-distance queen I will say that as my life gets busier and more segmented it is easier to be with a man who puts less demands on your time. When you are working 80-100 hours a week, six days a week, you want to be in a relationship where its sometimes ok to sleep on that seventh day. I have seen a lot of stress happen in relationships where the guy had a normal-ish job and for six days he waited patiently for the girl to finally have her day off but then when the 7th day comes and the girl doesn't feel like hanging out the guy gets made.
Sometimes having a guy that you can conveniently fit into your schedule is easier.

Although at this point I think I have given up on dating, I think it's an unecessarily painful excercise. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in friendship. I also believe in marriage. I think I am just going to cut out the middle man.

I think I will write a blog about it.