Friday, August 28, 2009

A Quack who's gone to the Dogs!

Ramblings Post #54
There are a number of things that make me wonder if the grand creator really knows what he's doing or maybe, just maybe, he's just occasionally rolling the dice and seeing what happens just to spice things up.

A few weeks ago, Chatty Mogul took a dog on option. That's how he described it. One of our coworkers with small children chose his kids over the dog (fie upon you PETA) and found the dog a new home with Chatty. They had an agreement that he would keep the dog for a month or so and if he didn't like it the family would take it back, and probably take him to the pound.

I feel so sorry for that dog. Damned either way.

So for the past few weeks, mixed in with stock tips, stories of how he built a purse sized ice maker for his stepmother, learning options trading, and the occasional foray into his actual job, he's been having dog conversations with other dog owners, eliciting dog advice, looking up dog information but mostly Chatty has been telling dog stories. Ad nasuem.

The dog eats dry food.
The dog makes him seem less creepy to the neighbors The dog needs exercise. The dog's training went well. The dog's training failed. The dog eats canned food. He needs a fence because of the dog The dog almost bit him. The dog is very intelligent. The dog doesn't trust him. Etc, etc so on....

We don't call him the Chatty Mogul for nothing. Once when he made a startled outburst I mistakenly asked "what's wrong?" only to be shot derisive looks by co-workers and I'm fairly certain one of the girls popped a garrote she keeps handy just in case Chatty just won't shut up. She didn't look to happy I'd asked that either. Luckily, he didn't hear me. I'd momentarily forgotten you don't ask him questions if you could help it. Brain lock.

I'd describe Chatty as our office's version of Cheer's Cliff Clavin, but only without the charm or good looks.

The rest of Moguls are just moguling. Naive mogul still seems to believe he can beat the market, crying in the past few days about a 40% loss on his investment that went back up as soon as he got out of it, and yet in the next breath extolling the virtues of his "system" based on moving averages and USA today news updates or his new ventures into stock options. Daddy Mogul is on diet, with a trainer. For a while I thought he and Chatty Mogul would end up the same size, but I think he finally realized that he doesn't want to end up like his partner in crime. I've often thought of him as the medium between Chatty and Naive, as the young one is Abercrombie & Fitch slim. For the sake of his kid I hope he makes it down a healthier size.

Now, in my minor experience in school and watching my brother do it a few years ago (day trading), people who make money investing tend to watch their stocks like hawks. The office moguls use the stock tracker apps on
their iPhones when they can take a few minutes, but for the most part make even casual investors look like scholars. This does not stop their conversations regarding their prowess.

There are days when it's like a comedy show. I won't even discuss how Naive Mogul rambled through his bastardized version of GI Joe, trampling my childhood memories and sounding like a guy who better pray he stays slim and A & F pretty all his life.

Barkeep...something. Anything.

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