Relapse Post #4
You have to be honest with yourself if nobody else. If you're gonna eat that last piece of pie, say I'm gonna eat it, it's wrong cause I'm a diet, I'm the one messing up here, and eat it anyway. So later when you look in the mirror, you'll know. Not that I haven't lied to myself. Or ever will again. But I'm a shyste-mofo...I expect foolishness like this from me.
Okay...this just straight honesty here. I miss Sporty. Still.
We still hit each other on the BBerry convo, she's taking classes too and we mostly discuss how that is going or how my classes are. When she has a moment of doubt that she shares with me, I try to bolster her thoughts. I'm not sure what we're doing anymore. We're still trading "love u" and "miss u" in that texty conversation sort of way...but I'm still lost.
Is it wrong that when I spot a new restaurant I still instantly think of "us" going there?
I haven't lamented about her in a minute, but I figured my loyal readers - both of you - were tired of hearing about that. I torment one of my co-workers, a man in his late twenties who refers to women as "scary", that even though I have a number of opportunities, I typically don't pursue them. I guess it's because deep down those women don't interest me like Sporty does, did, whatever. And I like aggressive women!
When you can get beyond the physical to find someone you can really connect with is rare. It's why most of my female relationships last so long: I actually like them as people and not just bodies. Not that some of them ain't fine as hell, now...I'm not slow. And maybe that's part of the problem is that unlike the rest of the civilized world I was doing it backwards, actually getting to know and like the person FIRST. I mean how could I have been so stupid?
Sill I miss long quiet dinners with Sporty. They somehow spanned hopes and dreams, thoughts and opinions, silliness and goofy all between the crab cakes appetizer to the cheesecake dessert. I haven't had Indian food since she moved away.
Will this last forever? If you invest some emotion into someone and it doesn't work, and you can walk away clean, then you invested less than you think....and maybe that's why it didn't work. No, this won't be forever, but it's been a while and it's gonna be a while.
Not that nothing else will ever come along. Lighting may strike again. But then I've always been picky as hell, so don't hold your breath.
Barkeep - Whiskey. Top Shelf. You know what I like.