Thursday, September 6, 2007

Journey through the Bargain Bin

I've moved into the new house, and after my encounter with the Direct TV installer I'm still waiting to see if I can even get the new fall shows.

(Side story: --- I love Direct TV. Love it. And the little punk who showed up Saturday to install 5pm...on his last call of the day...took one look at my setup and told me it wasn't doable. Then I took him the backyard and he got all snippy about how it wouldn't work. So I told him to set the damn thing up anyway. Then he gets a halfway decent signal, and DOESN'T LOCK IT IN! I'm having somebody else come out...and I'm call Direct TV to get his ass let go if possible. I'm not normally like that, but he fucking my Sunday Ticket!)

In the interim, I've taken to the bane of the modern American economy - Walmart. First I found two that actually close at night to my surprise, but I've taken to wandering the one closest to me looking for a distraction. In the back aisle of the Electronics section, I've stumbled across the bargain bin. The previous bargain bins I've looked in at a Walmart usually have had a mix of direct-to-video and Spanish language films, so I was skeptical, then I found this one. On the surface there were nine copies of Along Came Polly and countless Dickie Roberts: Child Star DVDs. But I was desperate and so I started digging.

There, in the among the forty copies of the Man from Snowy River I found Oscar nominee Sideways. And then Wallace and Gromit! These were good, fairly recent movies in among the compilations of no longer copyright protected cartoons and BMX Madness 2007. I kept digging...the Addams Family movies in a double DVD! Rocky and Bullwinkle! People wandered by, decided that the Ultimate Edition of Jim Carrey: Rubberface wasn't what they were in the mood for and left.

I shudder to think what might be even lower in the bin. Maybe Bond? Maybe Pirates of the Caribbean? It's like I've found a spot where buried treasure is abundant....and they also carry pans, shoes and sheets.

Am I ashamed that I've sold out to the corporate vampire that feeds on our national soul, plucking the dream of family business out of the heart of America and selling it to us at low low prices?

Did I mention there's another bin below this one that hasn't even been touched?

Barkeep, um...president's choice soda in a dirty glass.