Life is what you make it.
Ten years ago I did not expect to be where I am today. But then that's not an unusual statement. Ten years is a long time to try to make a prediction. And any one five minute period along the way can drastically alter the path you thought you were on. Our decisions combined with the outside forces influencing the social constructs that are our lives make predicting the multiples upon multiples of possible outcomes almost impossible. As such to survive we have to develop an outlook that includes the future and the now. To learn to plan but still live in the moment. To extend our reach beyond our vision into the ether while still holding on to the solid. Or...just to close our eyes and leap.
That last can be interpreted as fearlessness. Or recklessness. When it's successful, we remember it as a much more reassuring concept of confidence. Framing is everything.
That's the key, that 'framing.' We all like to re-assess our lives in the best light. It's nearly a survival mechanism. Sometimes when things don't go right it's that framing that allows us to find the flaws and start over. But it is the improper use of that frame to shape the idea "that life is what you make it" allows us to wallow in our own failures. Or lie stagnant when we need to move forward.
Early last year I was eating healthy, getting my steps in, reading more, writing more, and planning for future advancement in my career. Got started on that necessary internal work that a lot of us avoid using attitude, alcohol and materialism. But I finished last year falling back into old habits, diet terrible and hours lost to pointless activity and professional procrastination.
I try to frame it as "I deserved a break." This is a lie.
This is not to say taking a break is bad. I once went five years without using a vacation day, which is the say the least objectively terrible, so I'm all in favor of the off day here or there for personal reasons, even if the reason is the sleep in. Which may be why I've framed this period this way. This is a break after a long period of labor, this time four years. The problem is it shouldn't be this. It should be I need to get on the stick, that I've been slacking and I need to tighten up.
Maybe it was the milestone of middle age that got me. I have reached an age I always thought of as far off, where things change, supposedly. It's the middle of middle age. I thought I had more time. I like to believe I have so much further to go, so much more to accomplish. I'm not talking about the dreams of youth, but the ideas of just that space of ten years ago. And I'm concerned that I'm not there yet.
But I'm not going to re-frame it.
As much as that framing of our situations to see the better of them is necessary, what is also required and more often neglected is the need to take a long hard look at ourselves and then admitting to ourselves what is really there. Not a comparison to the glory shots of social media, but a very real assessment of a our real selves, by ourselves. We know when we're eating too much sugar, or haven't exercised in a week, or have started procrastinating. We just have to be honest with ourselves.
So this year, be honest with yourself. As we used to say, "if you scared, say you scared." Many of us have 'framing' down to an art form. Anti-social is being 'tired of the fake', a lack of tact as 'just being honest' or whatever other fiction gets you through the day. That mixed with brazen unearned self confidence can make those ten years seem like nothing. Because if you have no impetus to change, be it repair or just to improve yourself, then there is a strong chance you're in the same place you started, only the time will have passed. And you won't end up where you expected to be for other reasons.
Things I've learned
Things change. All things change, even if it's just everything around it changing.
If you don't actually start, then your dreams will always just be dreams.
If you truly love someone, it's really all about them more often than you'd like to admit.
Exercise everyday. Create habits that work for you.
Get enough sleep.
Just because you're prepared doesn't mean you're ready.
Stop trying to make the first draft perfect.
Cell phone games should be illegal.
Procrastination is still bad. Do it now and get on to whatever comes next.
Love your people. Because as we get older they get older.
Eat to live, not the other way around. Diet fixes so many other issues.
Bacon is better in smaller portions (I keep telling myself this, but still...)
Treat yourself from time to time. Be it a day off or a nice thing.
